The Chronicles of Tot-G

[Torgo]

From the creator of the Post-SOL Saga...

Blurryeye: (voice over) There is a universe beyond the one you know. Vast with knowledge and pornography, this wonderous place is known as the Internet. Here in the infinate cyberspace are many people spread throughout. Some good, some evil, some are just morons who can't spell. But there is one race more dangerous than any other, they are called PostWhores, forever searching for a place called the Underforum. If they can't convert you, they will log you off...permanently. All who have stood up to these Trolls have failed. However in times as drastic as these, one evil should be fought by a different of evil...a Spammer, if you will...

THE CHRONICLES OF
TOT-G

www.iceworld.com

(the merc Van Hagar and his crew are searching every page of the freezing cold website on their websurfing ship, the Google. Searching for a man who doesn't want to be found)

Crewman: We've searched every page on here. Are you sure he's on this site?

Van Hagar: He's here, I can feel him...

(Movement! Down below! A man running across the snow, his large and powerful knees carrying him up to speeds faster than any man can run)

Van Hagar: Tot-G...

(the Google speeds after Tot-G. The Google is fast, but Tot-G is faster. Tot-G ducks down inbetween two giant ice walls and disappears)

Crewman: Where did he go?

Van Hagar: He's still there. But he won't stay for long. He'll make his move...

(suddenly Tot-G is flying through the air. His knees provided a power jump and he lands right on top of the Google)

Crewman: He's on us! He's on us!

Van Hagar: Then get your ass up there! And take the other two with you. Three against one should be no problem.

(the crewmen open the hatch and all climb up. Three seconds later one crewman screams and falls to the icey ground where he dissappears in a cloud of green Matrix code. Logged off. He is followed soon after by the other two, who dissappear in a cloud of green Matrix code as well)

Tot-G: (voice) You were right. Three against one, easy as hell...

(Van Hagar turns around to face Tot-G. But Tot-G is not there)

Tot-G: (voice) You made three mistakes: First, you took the job...

(Van Hagar looks around to find the intruder)

Tot-G: (voice) Second, you came light. A four man crew for me? F***ing insulting...

(Van Hagar looks up to see that the hatch is still open, but Tot-G isn't in it)

Tot-G: (voice) And finally, and this is really the most important part, merc...

(Van Hagar turns back to the way he came, to try and find the source of the voice)

Tot-G: (voice) You suck.

(Tot-G jumps out of the darkness right behind Van Hagar, pushes him down to the floor, and holds a blade to his neck)

Tot-G: What's the bounty on my head?

Van Hagar: Hundred K.

(Tot-G holds his blade closer)

Van Hagar: OK! OK! Last time I checked eBay it was at 10 mil!

Tot-G: Bidder?

Van Hagar: Anonymous.

(Tot-G holds his blade even closer)

Van Hagar: I sware!

Tot-G: What's the webpage you were supposed to deliver me to?

Van Hagar: The MST3K Review...

(Tot-G's eyes light up and he half turns his head)

Tot-G: Last question, and you better get this one right, merc...who's ship is this?

Van Hagar: Uh...mine?

(cut to outside. Van Hagar is falling to the ice and lands hard. He disappears in a cloud of green Matrix code.

Cut to back inside. He types in the web address: mst3k-review.home.mindspring.com/)

Tot-G: (voice over) There's one man I know at the MST3K Review. Guy who's neck I saved from an abandoned porn site years ago. First person I've ever trusted in years. Guess I shouldn't have. (he walks over to the CyberSleep chamber and climbs in) Wonder if she'll be there...

[Slick's ghost]

This is pretty gripping, but I have to ask, did you just alter the script of a movie you like, you know, filling it in with Van Hagar and other board related things but basically copying someone else's script? Or was it original? Either way, it's still funny, but I'd be glad to hear it was original because it's pretty good, if a little cheesy.

[Torgo]

Slick's said:

This is pretty gripping, but I have to ask, did you just alter the script of a movie you like, you know, filling it in with Van Hagar and other board related things but basically copying someone else's script? Or was it original? Either way, it's still funny, but I'd be glad to hear it was original because it's pretty good, if a little cheesy.

It's basicly the Chronicles of Riddick only switched characters and added lines. I even stole lines right out of the script, but I like the flick so it's what I do.

[Slick's ghost]

Torgo said:

It's basicly the Chronicles of Riddick only switched characters and added lines. I even stole lines right out of the script, but I like the flick so it's what I do.

Well, it doesn't bother me. Parody/homage is a valid form of comedy, and the changes you made were funny. I'm waiting for the next part.

I do hope you explain what the hell Tot-G means, though...

[Torgo]

Slick's said:

I do hope you explain what the hell Tot-G means, though...

Oh that's easy. Phantom just misspelled my name once and I rode with it. And thus Tot-G was born.

Not very exciting, but true story.

[Slick's ghost]

So... is this the end of Tot-G?

[nightfalcawk]

Not before I come in it isn't!!!

[Torgo]

Slick's said:

So... is this the end of Tot-G?

Hold your horses. I told you I was busy this week.

I'll try and get on it as soon as possible though.

[Slick's ghost]

*still camping out in his Tot-G t-shirt, jacket, hat, tent, sleeping bag, underwear*

[Torgo]

Slick's said:

*still camping out in his Tot-G t-shirt, jacket, hat, tent, sleeping bag, underwear*

I feel like George Lucas. Perhaps if I ever finish this I'll do a prequel trilogy to piss you off.

[Slick's ghost]

Man, Tot-G is soooo overrated.

[elireburg]

nice