MST'ing I have been working on.

[GProopdog]

MST3000: Episode 1: Supergirl
By NYGuy322

(Insert Season 3 Opening credits here, then we go to the SOL Bridge. Crow and Tom are already standing on the bridge. Both are silent and looking about for 30 seconds. Finally, Joel walks in and faces the camera)

Joel: Hi everyone! Welcome to the Satellite of Love! I’m Joel, and these are my two robot pals Crow and….Tom…… (Notices they are silent) Uh….what are you two scamps up too hmmm?

Crow: Just waiting….

Tom: Yeah….Waiting….

Joel: I see…..And what, pray tell, are you waiting for….

Crow: (Irritation in his voice) Well if you *must* know Joel….Our agent is going to be calling us any minute now….So we’re just patiently waiting by the phone….

Joel: Oh I see…that sounds like….The hell?!?! Since when do you two have agents?

Tom: Oh come on Joel…haven’t you been paying attention? We sent in our resumes and head-shots to him weeks ago….

Crow: He says we have the potential to become the next big things in Hollywood!

Gypsy: (Off-screen) Plus, he said he knows Richard Baseheart, and that he could pull some strings to get me too meet him! Be still my heart!

Joel: You guys…How exactly are you going to get any movie roles when you’re stuck up here with me in space?

Tom: That’s the beauty of it Joel! We won’t have to go anywhere! All of our scenes will be filmed up here!

Crow: With that appropriate back round behind us of course…

Joel: Well if you ask me…. (The phone that is near the trio of lights of the bridge begins to ring. Joel looks over to the bots as it does) Well, there he probably is now…. (Pause, the phone rings again) Well don’t you wanna answer it…?

Crow: Joel….Our arms don’t work….

Joel: (Nods) Right, right…. (Picks up the phone and answers it) Hello? No….This is their creator Joel……uh huh……uh huh…..

Crow: (Mumbles to himself) Fame….fortune….

Tom: (Also mumbles) All of the nano-chips we can eat….

Joel: (Talking on the phone to the agent) Huh…..I see…..Well….I’m sorry to hear that….Well ok….I’ll pass on the news….goodbye sir…. (Hangs up the phone)

Tom/Crow: Well?!?

Joel: (Sighs) Sorry you two….But you got beat out for the lead role of that movie you were auditioning for….by C3PO and R2D2…..

(Both bots now tremble with anger silently.)

Joel: Uh…….guys?

Crow: (Trembling) C…..3PO?

Tom: (Trembling) R2…..D2…..

Joel: ‘fraid so guys….

(Both bots finally stop trembling and let out angry screams as they storm off-screen to the right)

Joel: Ho boy….We better give them a moment to cool down…We’ll be right back….

(Commercial. Once we come back, we see the bots are back on screen, Crow to Joel’s left, and Tom to Joel’s right)

Crow: (Angrily) C3PO? C3PO? That poor excuse of a robot couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag!

Joel: I know what you mean hunnie…

Tom: (Angrily) The audacity! The utter gall! How could they pass over true talent like us?!? How, I ask you? HOOOOOOOOOOW!

(He leans onto Joel’s shoulder and sobs.)

Joel: (Pats Tom on the back, says soothingly) There, There….just let it all out Tom….let it all out…. (The lights flash) Oh….The Mads are calling…. (Hits the button)

(Deep 13. Frank is standing near an oven, dressed in his usual clothes with a pink apron over it. Dr. Forrester is standing near the camera.)

Dr. Forrester: Hello Joel….Nice to see you as always…Now for today’s invention exchange….

Frank: Clay! My cookies are done! (Opens the oven up and takes out a tray of sugar cookies. He turns around and walks over to Dr. Forrester, talking as he does) They took awhile to prepare but it’ll all be worth it once you get a taste of them!

Dr. Forrester: (Smiles) Franklin…you have outdone yourself once again….. (Eyes the cookies) mmmm…they smell as good as they look….let me just take one of them… (Reaches for one)

Frank: (Slaps Forrester’s hand away) Don’t you even think about it mister, these cookies need to cool off and you know it….let me just put these in the kitchen….

(SOL)

Joel: Jeepers….it’s almost like you two are married….

Crow: Either that or they share a Bert and Ernie complex…..

(Deep 13)

Dr. Forrester: (Angrily) One more crack like that and it’s an Ethel Merman film festival for you three! (Calms down) Anyway….today Joel….our invention exchange gives new meaning to the term pain and suffering….Now….I’m sure you in your life have had the common cold correct? And whenever you did, your mommy would usually come into your room….pinch your fat little cheeks and say….”Aw, don’t worry, I’ll make you some nice chicken soup….” Well our invention this week takes “chicken soup” to a whole new level….

(Frank walks back into shot, carrying a tray of several different disgusting looking soups.)

Dr. Forrester: Yes, these are my “Stinky Soups”, soups so rotten, vile, and putrid that they will not only not cure what ails you, they may very well put you in a coma….

Frank: That’s right, this isn’t “Chicken Soup for the Soul”….this is “Soup that will want you to have someone save your soul…”

Dr. Forrester: Our “Stinky Soups” come in a variety of “appealing” flavors….

Frank: (Points to each soup) That’s right, you’ve got your Broccoli soup….you’ve got your denture water soup…..You’ve got your mustard and ketchup soup…..You’ve got your anchovy soup…and my personal favorite…..Cream of Tuna Casserole…..mmmmm….mmmmmm….good…..

Dr. Forrester: Balls in your court Joel….

(SOL)

Crow: Blegh! Man, if I had guts, I’d be puking them out right now….

Tom: Ditto….

Joel: Well sirs, my invention this week is the exact opposite of yours….I’ll be taking foods kids normally hate and make them into something good….All it takes is a sprinkle of this! (Holds up a pink salt shaker) My “Sugar-coater shaker”! Now for example….take….the lowly broccoli…. (Picks up a plate from off-screen, which has a single piece of broccoli on it)…A food all kids everywhere hate….

Crow: (Shudders) It gives me chills just looking at it….

Joel: Well those chills will be replaced by gitty laughter after one sprinkle from my Sugar-Coater Shaker…..Here we go…. (Shakes some sugar onto the broccoli, then picks it up and puts it towards Tom’s mouth) Just take a bite of that there Servo old buddy…

Tom: (Nibbles on it) mmmmm…..wow….it tastes like cotton candy!

Crow: Woah neat! Let me try! (Joel puts the broccoli towards Crow’s mouth and he nibbles on it) mmmmm! It’s like I’m at the circus!

Joel: I thought it would! With this shaker, you can make string beans taste like ice cream, liver taste like waffles, and even make something as dreaded as spinach and make it taste like honey! So….what do you think sirs?

(Deep 13)

(Forrester is fanning his mouth with his hand as Frank looks on, shaking his head)

Frank: I told you those cookies were hot…..but did you listen? No-hooooo….You had to go and be an Impatient Imp….

Dr. Forrester: Ugh….Oh shut up Frank….before I put you through the meat grinder again….. (Stops fanning his mouth) Anyway Joel, your movie this week is called Supergirl! It’s just like Superman in everyway…..except, of course, for the fact that Supergirl sucks……send them the movie Frank….

(SOL)

(Lights flash and the sirens go off)

Joel: AH! WE’VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

Bots: Woo-Hoo!

(The gang rush off in different directions as we get to the door sequence)

(6………….5……………….4…………….3……………..2…………1…….Movie)

Any thoughts, comments?

[Bart Fargo]

Good opening! I can't wait to see the finished product!
;D

Stinky soups - I think it's the second most evil all time invention ever. Right after the Fun with Deep 13 Activity book.

[dash]

ROTF-- that was great! i loved it. can't wait to read the rest!

[yousonuva]

Hahah, that was pretty good.

[Blurryeye]

That was really funny! Good inventions (although half of the Stinky Soups actually sounded appetizing to me).

[regalo]

Normally, I find MSTings difficult to read, but, yours was in true character, funny, and completely in spirit and in tune with the original show. Good job. I could see the actors and Bots performing this scene. You should write for some fanvidders or a live show. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.

[GProopdog]

A little bit of the "movie segment" for Supergirl that I did.

Yes, I know this was from months ago, but I finally managed to do a bit of it.

Note: Some cursing is to be found here:

ALEXANDER SALKIND

Presents

(Joel: With his most sincere apologies…)



SUPERGIRL




by

David Odell


(Crow: “Odell” me why this guy decided to make this movie…heh, heh…little pun there…

Joel: Let’s keep the puns to a minimum, shall we?)






Producers: Ilya Salkind Director: Jeannot Szwarc
Timothy Burrill

(Tom: Well, you know if you can only pronounce the name of just one of these guys, you’re really in for a hell of a ride, eh guys?)


Copyright 1983
CANTHARUS PRODUCTIONS N.V.
All Rights Reserved




EXT. SPACE

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK. . .

INT. ARGO CITY

AND REVEALS the inside of a domed city honeycombed with fantastic arches. The city is inhabited by young beautiful people in luxurious but simple costumes.

(Tom: (Narrator Voice) Yes, come visit the beautiful and distant future, where only the beautiful people are allowed to thrive…

Crow: (Narrator Voice) Yes, for with ugly people roaming around with the beautiful people, the future wouldn’t be as glorious as this, now would it?)

THE CAMERA ROAMS through the City, observing some people seated at a kind of cafe sipping drinks and relaxing; other people are in some kind of exercise class doing beautiful graceful movement; and finally a class of five year old children listen intently to a teacher who is demonstrating a molecular model.

TEACHER
And now, who can give me the electron
wave functions for Kryptonian covalent
bonding?

(Joel: (As the Teacher) And don’t tell me it’s “69” again, because I know that’s not the right answer…)

The five year olds eagerly raise their hands. The teacher points to one.

CHILD
The cube root of the wavelength over the
natural log of the integral of the speed of light squared


The teacher smiles.

TEACHER
Well, maybe that was a bit too easy...

(Joel: A bit too easy? Jeez, the school system on *other* planets is better then the one in the U.S…if that’s not depressing, I don’t know what is…)

THE CAMERA ROAMS ON through the city, following the sound of a strange, ethereally beautiful singing. The CAMERA discovers the source of the sound: an ARTIST sculpting a beautiful crystalline object with a MATTERWAND. The wand makes the singing noise as it creates matter out of energy. The Artist, whose name is ZALTAR, sometimes whistles along in counterpoint. .

(Crow: (As Zaltar) The whistling helps keep my sanity….yes….heh heh….

Tom: (As Zaltar) My mom wanted me to be a soldier, but no mom, I said, I want to be a dorky matter maker…. (Grumbles))

A small girl is watching him with fascination. Her name is Kara, and she is seven.

Behind her, the dome, which encloses the City, marks the edge of the limbo outside.

KARA
What are you making?

(Joel: (As Zaltar) A bong, now buzz off kid….)

ZALTAR
It's going to be a tree, I think.

KARA
What's a tree?

(Crow: (Brooklyn accent) Da number right after two, ya mamaluke!)

ZALTAR
It's something they have on Earth. You know,
where your cousin went.

KARA
Where is Earth?

ZALTAR
Didn't you study six-dimensional geometry in
school?

KARA
Yes, I know the equations---I just can't see it in
my head.

(Tom: (As Kara) So back off of me, dick weed!)

Zaltar laughs.

ZALTAR
Even I have trouble with that sometimes. Earth is in
outer space. And we're in inner space.

(Joel: You mean that movie with Dennis Quaid and Martin Short? Then this might not be so bad after all you guys…

Tom: He meant “inner” space as in space Joel…

Joel: (Disappointed) Oh…)

KARA
I don't understand.

ZALTAR
Wait till you're older. Here -- watch this.

Zaltar takes a small OMEGAHEDRON out of his pocket and holds it in his hand.

ZALTAR.
This is one of the four Power Sources of the City.
I borrowed it from the Guardians. Look what I can do with it.


Zaltar touches his MATTER.WAND to the OMEGAHEDRON and the wand instantly becomes charged with flickering light. He touches his wand to the tree sculpture---and the
sculpture comes alive with dancing lights and shadows. Kara claps her hands with delight
at the spectacle. Zaltar steps back and admires his handiwork. He carefully puts down the
OMEGAHEDRON at his feet, takes a small flask from his belt, and drinks.

(Crow: (As if on drugs) Oh wow man….I am so tripping….

Tom: (Also as if on drugs) The colors man, the colors…)

ZALTAR
You see, a tree is a living thing.

KARA
Can you create life?


ZALTAR
No, no, just the illusion of life. A kind of
half-life, maybe. A pale shadow of the real
thing. But it is lovely, the way the light plays
over the surface. . .

(Joel: (As Kara) Phhh, well if you can’t create life, why am I hanging out here watching you?)

A woman's voice can be heard calling in the distance.

WOMAN'S VOICE
Kara. Kara.

Kara calls out in reply.

KARA
I'm here, mother.

(Crow: (As Kara’s mother) Good, could you stay there for awhile? My bridge club is meeting in ten minutes…)

Kara's mother ALURA appears through the lacey architecture of the city.

ALURA
Kara, you shouldn't be so near the Edge
without a grown-up.

KARA
I'm sorry, Mother.

ZALTAR
I was keeping an eye on her.


Alura puts her arm around her daughter affectionately, showing she's not really angry. Together they watch Zaltar's latest sculpture, flickering with the play of inner light and shadow.

(Joel: (As Alura) Oh, I see you got into my LSD too Kara…

Crow: (As Kara, stoned) I sure did man…)

ALURA
Thank you, Zaltar, but she has to obey the rules.

Zaltar takes another swig from his flask. and lowers his voice confidentially.

ZALTAR
You and your husband have been kind to me,
Alura. I have something to tell you: I'm going
away. Soon.

(Joel: (As Alura) Well, I always knew you were kind of crazy….)

ALURA
But where?

(Tom: (As Zaltar) To San Francisco….from there, I’m gonna be following The Grateful Dead on tour…

Crow/Joel: Woooo!)


Zaltar bends down to Kara and hands her his matterwand.

ZALTAR
Put your fingers there, Kara. And press hard.

She does, and the wand makes a horrible squawk. Kara laughs with delight.

(Tom: Why is she laughing? That was a horrible sound!

Crow: She must be an easily amused, or stupid, kid…)

ZALTAR
Good. Now, go make something pretty.

Kara scampers away, hardly able to believe her good fortune, and starts to make all kinds of
surprising sounds with the wand on the plaza nearby. Zaltar speaks to Alura in a low, confidential voice.

ZALTAR
I've discovered a new way into the Phantom
Zone.

(Joel: Is that where “The Phantom Creeps” took place? Why would you wanna go there?)

ALURA
But the phantom Zone is for criminals.

(Joel: Exactly….and for bad serial shorts as well…)

ZALTAR
It's big. And empty. I'm tired of limiting myself
to Argo City. I want to do something new. I'm
starting to repeat myself here with this airy,
glittery stuff....

Zaltar waves a hand deprecatingly at the city around him.

(Tom: (As Zaltar) I mean, look at this place, it’s a freakin poopie hole!)

ALURA
But Zaltar---you founded the city! It's yours. We
were all just refugees from Krypton when you gathered
us together and brought us here, to the inner dimension.
You can't abandon us now. You have a responsibility to us!

In the background, Kara has been modeling a spiky insect-like CREATURE. Now she suddenly finds the OMEGAHEDRON on the ground beside her. She doesn't stop to wonder how it got there from beside Zaltar's feet. She simply picks up the OMEGAHEDRON and touches it to the spiky creature. The creature suddenly flicks its wings and COMES TO LIFE, unnoticed by the adults. Kara drops the wand and laughs out loud with delight as the magical creature takes off from the ground and starts flying in circles around her head, glittering as if it were made of diamonds.

ZALTAR
I'm an artist, Alura. My work comes first. Other
people come second.

(Crow: So, basically, this guy is kind of a jerk….)

ALURA
How can you create beauty...with a selfish heart?


The spiky insect-creature flies closer and closer around the little girl's head, buzzing angrily. Her look of delight turns to fear. She tries to shoo the creature away. It flies off toward the thin membrane that encloses the city.

The spiky creature flies into the membrane and tears a ragged hole in it. With a giant WHOOSH all the air in the city starts to rush out the hole. Kara is swept along toward the hole by the wind. She cries out and stretches pleading hands toward her mother. THE OMEGAHEDRON is swept toward the hole as well. Kara grabs onto the ragged edge of the membrane.

(All: Wah, Wah, Wah!

Joel: The old “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” routine….It never gets old….)

ZALTAR
Kara---the Power Source!

Kara reaches for it, but it is too far from her, and the OMEGAHEDRON is sucked out into infinity by the wind. Zaltar picks up the matterwand from where Kara dropped it and touches her with the wand. She is instantly held fast. Zaltar pulls her back inside. He gives her to her mother Alura. Then Zaltar touches his wand to the membrane and seals the hole with masterful chords like a brass choir.

The wind dies down and all is silent, except for the quiet sobbing of Kara in her mother's arms. Zaltar kneels down beside her and strokes her golden hair tenderly.

KARA
I'm sorry... I didn't know.

ZALTAR
It was my fault. You aren't old enough to use
the wand. I shouldn't have given it to you.

(Tom: (As Zaltar) Oh what am I saying? You’re a failure at creating things, and at life! I should have let you be sucked into space back then, you little freak!)

ALURA
But the Power Source, Zaltar.

ZALTAR
It couldn't be helped. The city will have to make do
with three.

ALURA
But what will happen?

ZALTAR
The Guardians will be angry. They may even
send me to the Phantom Zone. You see, I didn't
really have permission to borrow it. I must go
explain to them...

(Crow: But, didn’t he say he wanted to go to the “Phantom Zone” just a minute ago? Sheesh, make up your mind…

Joel: Personally, I’m more wondering just how many more things it’ll be similar too with Rush and “2112”….)

Zaltar hurries off nervously. THE CAMERA HOLDS ON KARA'S FACE as she senses this may be her last sight of Zaltar.

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. A SPRINGTIME MEADOW - U.S.A. - DAY. UNDER TITLES

A beautiful blonde in jeans and a frilly blouse is walking across a field of wildflowers. Butterflies flitter and dart from flower to flower. The blonde's name is SELENA. She is our ideal image of the girl next door, who grew up into a dynamite lady.

(Joel: (Narrator voice) A most unusual find, as you don’t see many women who are willing to handle dynamite on a regular basis…)

Her current boyfriend follows along behind her, lugging a big wicker hamper from their pickup truck parked at the edge of the road. Selena finds a grassy spot under an old oak. and spreads out a red and white checked gingham cloth..

(Tom: And now, ABC presents, “Barefoot in the Park”, already in progress…)

SELENA
Over here George. It's the perfect spot. Nice view.

George sets down the wicker basket and Selena starts to unpack a scrumptious picnic of home cooked food. She unpacks fried chicken, hard-boiled eggs, potato salad, cold beer and a big rich creamy-frosted devils food cake.

GEORGE
You sure are a good cook, Selena. Man, that looks
too pretty to eat.

(Crow: (As Selena) Well why don’t you marry it then you jerk! Er, ahem, I’m sorry, It’s my time of the month…you know how that is…

SELENA
Better eat it quick. It won't look too pretty when it's
all covered with ants.

She hands him a chicken drumstick and a hard-boiled egg.

GEORGE
Selena, I've been thinking. It's time I settled
down---and I don't know a nicer lady to settle
down with than you.

(Tom: (As George) Well, maybe Drew Barrymore too…but you’re up there on the list, believe me…)

SELENA
Why George, are you proposing?

GEORGE
Marry me, Selena. The hardware store doesn't bring
in much now, but...

(Joel: (As George) Once we start our “Scary Screwdriver Saturdays” sale, the money will start flowing in!)

SELENA
George---I thought you'd never ask.

A shrill whistling sound from above makes them look up. With a loud plop and a spatter of icing the OMEGAHEDRON falls into the middle of the chocolate cake.

GEORGE
What the heck is that?

They look up in the boughs of the tree overhead, and then down at the chocolate cake splashed all over the checked cloth.

(Crow: (As Selena) That’s the weirdest looking hail I’ve ever seen…)

SELENA
A squirrel Frisbee?

(Joel: (As Selena) Or maybe it’s a ferret football…)

Selena reaches out and picks up the OMEGAHEDRON. It comes away from the cake without a trace of the chocolate icing sticking to its surface, as if made of some substance, which repels other kinds of matter.

Selena holds the shining Omegahedron in her hand and examines it, turning it around and around as if hypnotized. Her face takes on a new expression. Almost as if the simple, wholesome innocence of her nature had been blasted away by some profound new knowledge of the universe.

(Joel: Either that, or she’s just incredibly dumb….)

SELENA
That's funny. I'd swear I know just what this is,
but I've never seen it before.

She stands up and walks across the checkered cloth, in a beeline for the pickup truck.

GEORGE
Hey, where you going?

SELENA
(calling over her shoulder)
I've got things to do.

GEORGE
What about my proposal?

SELENA
(dismissively)
Call me next week. Maybe we can have lunch.

(Joel: (Translation) I’d rather marry my grandmother…)

She gets in the pickup and. drives away.

GEORGE
Hey! My truck!

(Crow: I think it’s safe to say it really sucks to be this guy…

Tom: No doubt about it…)

DISSOLVE TO: