Xerxes the Cat's MST3K episodes reviews

[brandonakaxerxes]

315 – “Teenage Caveman”, with shorts, “Aquatic Wizards” and “Catching Trouble”
Opening: It’s dreary rainy day on the SOL and J&tB are bored. Magic Voice has some suggestions for activities

Invention exchange: J&tB present their creative ipecacs, the Mads try to unveil their invention, but end up in a brawl

Host segment 1: J&tB present “Catching Ross”

Host segment 2: The Mads are still fighting

Host segment 3: Joel explains to the bots how there were conservatives and risk-takers throughout history

End: The bots are dressed as the mutants from the movie, Joel reads a letter, the Mads are patching things up with a cup of kindness

Stinger: Watch out for that…tree!

Memorable riffs from “Aquatic Wizards”:

Joel: “Miles from the dock, and they can’t swim!”

Crow: “This has got ‘litigation’ written all over it.”

Crow: “You’re shark food now, Baby!”

Crow: “I’m board jumping.”

Fav. Riff from “Aquatic Wizards”:
Crow: “What well-rounded lives these girls must lead…”

Memorable riffs from “Catching Trouble”:

Crow: “Chasing rabbits on a mini-bike until their hearts explode?”

Joel: “Oh, what I’d love to see, that cub’s mom coming through the woods right now.”

Narrator: “Is that a bear, or a monkey?”
Servo: “Who are you talking about?”

Joel: “I’m deeply ashamed of my race right now.”

Crow: “… or call PETA.”

Fav. Riff from “Catching Trouble”:
Servo: “Ross tries to towel away the evil, but nothin’ doin’.”

Memorable Riffs from “Teenage Caveman”:

Joel: “They’re making upside down deer cake!”

Servo: “Oh, like Hollywood!”

Servo: “Have you seen my training bra?”

Crow: “I gotta find my clothes and get the hell outta here.”

Servo: “How can there be Great Danes when there isn’t even a Denmark?”

Joel: “We’ll be a modern stone age family!”
“He’s making a sleeping place for him and his woman.”
“Why?”
Crow: “Have you seen the woman?”

Crow: “This is why the dinosaurs died out. You bored them to death!”

Fav. Riff from “Teenage Caveman”:
Servo: “Looks like H.R. Puffenstuff after a fiery car wreck!”

Comments:
- Magic Voice says commercial sign in 5 seconds. It actually takes about 8 seconds. Okay, that’s probably reaching.
- Holy snap! Frank’s gone off the deep end! Alas, this is one of those shows where we only get one invention presentation. Not really a fan of that.
- A rare episode in which the short, or in this case SHORTS, isn’t announced.
- “Catching Trouble” is IMO, the WORST short ever featured on MST3K. Servo says it best; “If you enjoyed ‘Catching Trouble’ there’s something wrong with you!”
- -As hilarious as the “Catching Ross” segment is, it bothers me that Joel continues pounding the bag, even after placing the (fake) snake in after the Ross doll. Was that a mistake on Joel’s part?
- Uh, Joel? “Fantasia” was never in black and white.
- Servo’s comment about a “bathroom rug” crawling towards the cavemen, sort of foreshadows “The Creeping Terror”.
- Seeing a bear maul one of the cavemen does sort of make up for that stupid “Catching Trouble” P.O.S.
- Two movie oddities. One, how wide of a vocabulary these cavemen have, and two, the fact that they’re already discussing religious things like God, and whatnot. It makes even less sense come the film’s twist ending.
- Is that footage of the two reptiles fighting from “Lost Continent”? Even Servo notes it looks familiar.
- Oh geez… those dinosaur costumes look even worse than the freaking polar bear in “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”!
- I like how the old man yells, “Enough!” and then there’s a break for commercial.
- The “fudgical/fudge-sicle” exchange between Joel and Servo, I think, is a “Laverne & Shirley” reference.
- Host Segment 3 isn’t particularly funny, but I like the point Joel tries to make about taking risks. Something most people are too afraid to do.
- I love Joel’s reaction to the line “We’ll find someplace to lay down”. It also amuses me that the cavemen use the term “sleeping place”.
- Erm…. Why didn’t the old man in that monster suit just REMOVE HIS FREAKING SUIT and show the cavemen he was human?!
- Has anyone else noticed that the fan letter Joel reads mentions “Eegah”? Look carefully when the letter is put up on “still store”.

Best Segment: “Catching Ross” is lots of fun.
Worst Segment: The opening segment. What a dud way to start an otherwise terrific episode.

Overall: A pretty tight episode. *** stars.

[brandonakaxerxes]

316 – “Gamera Vs. Zigra”
First shown: 10/19/91

Opening: J&tB are having a root beer kegger to celebrate the last Gamera movie

Invention exchange: The Mads have invented Three Stooges guns; Joel has invented the Crow-ka-bob; Frank spoils Dr. F’s surprise

Host segment 1: The bots have built a scale model of Gamera

Host segment 2: The bots present their shoe box dioramas

Host segment 3: Kenny and Helen visit on the Hexfield.

End: J&tB present different ways to sing the Gamera song

Stinger: Fish boy talks to himself.

Memorable Riffs:

Servo: “Oh, like Al Sharpton.”

Servo: “And, you’ll have to learn to blow air out the back of your neck, too.”

Crow: “That’s the award? Getting stuffed?”

Servo: “Well, whatever it is, we can’t afford to show it land.”

Crow: “You’re right, I’m ashamed. Spank me.”

Girl: “What does ‘magnitude’ mean?”
Crow: “I think it means ‘green’.”

Crow: “My life’s flashing before my eyes! Diapers… potty training… pre-school…. Um… that’s it.”

(Gamera sticks his tongue out)
Joel: “Hey, a Gene Simmons impression!”

Joel: “I thought I’d blend in with this costume.”

Crow: “Do they ever invite me over for dinner? No! But, when they’re in trouble it’s ‘Gamera! Gamera’!”

Crow: “Wow. Tokyo Disney sucks. There’s Nothing World, and Parking World…”

Fav. Riff:
Servo: “Okay, it works! So, they don’t like Yoko Ono! What’s your point?”

Comments:
- Erm…. Who’s throwing the confetti and silly string in the opening segment? Magic Voice?
- I love how visibly disturbed Crow is by Joel’s invention exchange. Rightfully so.
- I wonder how they trained the seal that comes in first place, to actually climb on top of the “1st place platform….
- Obscure riff: Joel mentions “Hallabaloo”, an old sketch show from the 60s.
- Look carefully at Crow in the shadowrama. The top of his planter tray, used for his upper torso, appears to be reflecting some light off of it.
- Crow makes a variation of the “It’s just a show, you should really just relax” during Segment 1.
- Earthquakes in Japan? Talk of oil spills in the ocean? This film is loads of “Harsher In Hindsight”.
- The alien’s plot in this film is kinda odd. They want to take over a planet that has essentially already been tainted by pollution? I don’t get it.
- It amuses me that, despite the kids are in peril, and possibly facing certain death, that doesn’t stop them from singing the Gamera theme song once he shows up.
- How come Joel didn’t make a clay figurine of Cambot in Segment 2?
- I like how the alien woman wanders the streets in a swim suit, and nobody finds this unusual. Even more odd is her blatantly telling one of the fishermen she’s looking “to see two children”. That just sounds very wrong out of context.
- Also, did the alien woman leave two other women unconscious somewhere naked?
- How appropriate that Mike Nelson and Bridget Jones play Kenny and Helen in Segment 3?
- Interesting that when a character in the movie says “blinded by the light”, Servo references the original Bruce Springsteen song “Blinded By the Light”, as opposed to the more well-known version by Manfred Mann.

Best Segment: None of the segments are really memorable IMO, but Segment 2 is kinda cute.
Worst Segment: Segment 1 is another one of those “long walk to a bad joke” segments.

Overall: An alright episode, but I think the riffing dies down towards the end. *** stars.

[brandonakaxerxes]

317 - Viking Women Vs. The Sea Serpent

Opening: Joel says: Consider the lowly waffle
Invention exchange: Joel continues to consider waffles; The Mads demonstrate their meat re-animator, Joel shows off an iron that turns waffles into pancakes
Host segment 1: Joel has reprogrammed the bots to love waffles and asks them to suggest new uses for waffles
Host segment 2: “Waffles!”
Host segment 3: Willy the Waffle gives a spirited defense of waffles
End: The Waffle song, Dr. F is “re-animating” Frank
Stinger: “But you don’t understand! I’m a PRINCE!”

Memorable Riffs from short:
Narrator: “It was just a regular day…”
Servo (as girl): “I think I’ll get a tattoo….”

Narrator: “She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box…”
Crow: “WHOO-HOO! WHOO-HOO! WHOO-HOO!”

Servo: “Don’t sit down!”

Joel: “You know, she’s gonna look like an unmade bed in that dress.”

Servo: “She had to steal from every grocery store in town. It was part of her hazing.”

Memorable riffs from movie:
Servo: “Corman…. the barbarian.”

Joel: “So the Vikings gave us the under-wire bra.”

Joel: “Guys this is weird…. the silhouettes of our theater seats are over there.” (points to edge of ship)

Joel: “The women of Green Peace.”

(Woman finds a piece of a ship in the water)
Servo: “It says ’S.S. Minnow’ on it.”

(Serpent attacks ship)
Servo: “What a crappy day…. well, at least it’s not raining.”

Man: “Unleash the dogs!”
Servo: “Both of them!”
Crow: “Bring the pooper-scoopers!”

Crow: “Help me! Please! I’m being attacked by a ham sandwich!”

(Man carries dancer out of the bar)
Crow: “Carry out!”

Crow: “He was with The Donner Party. The Richard Donner Party. Threw a party for the ‘Lethal Weapon’ cast.”

Servo: “Alright, come on! Conjugal visit’s over!”

Crow: “Forget this! I’m gonna go check out the Teenage Caveman set!”

Crow: “Not a chest hair among them.”

Servo: “Boy, the Vikings really stink this year!”

Servo: “You’re wearing a shag rug, and you think SHE’S strange?”

Character in Movie: “But, I’ve grown in many ways…”
Crow: “Insert comment here.”
Same Character: “I’m a woman now.”
Servo and Crow: “I know!”

Servo: “A couple of Swedish meatballs, coming’ right up!”

Crow: “Remember to poke a few holes in him so he doesn’t explode!”

(Serpent swims away)
Servo: “Ah, forget it. I don’t like white meat.”

(During the last few minutes)
Servo: “Boy, this Home Economics film took a weird turn…”

Fav. Riff from short:
Woman: “I’m going to teach….”
Servo: “Because I can’t do.”

Fav. riff from movie:
Crow: “I’m Todd the baptist!”

Comments:
- Joel likes to put CHILI on his waffles?! EWWWWW!

- The re-animated chicken bit makes me think of the gag from the Bugs Bunny cartoon “Wackiki Wabbit” where Bugs uses a chicken puppet to fool to castaways.

- Because they ‘blue’ the black and white film, this makes the night scenes still look like daytime, because the sky no longer looks black. It’s weird.

- Trace seems to fumble over the “Mongolian stir fry” riff.

- When Servo says, “There lies the castle of my father” with a Bronx accent, it’s a reference to a supposed quote Tony Curtis made in the film “Son of Ali Baba”. It’s one of those ‘Beam Me Up, Scotty’ things. Curtis never actually says that in the film.

- The infamous segment where Joel just says “Waffles.” Is that a reference to a particular waffle commercial? Also, I’ve heard people comment on this segment as being one of the least funny or creative host segments they ever did. However, I think that’s because when the segment ends, the joke isn’t quite over. When Joel enters the theater, he informs Servo and Crow, “I just did a real nutty waffle bit with Cambot.” I think that was the intended punchline. We, the viewers know Joel’s lying, but Servo and Crow don’t.

- I guess Servo doesn’t have a foot fetish, since he finds the idea of a hot woman dancing barefoot on a table, disgusting.

- I love how in Segment 3, Servo has a waffle inside his gumball head. Maybe that’s where food goes when it digests.

-Also, here’s my personal theory for the whole “obsessed with waffles” theme throughout the episode. It’s well-known that ‘A Case of Spring Fever” was looked at sometime during this season, but for whatever reason (maybe rights issues?) they didn’t get around to riffing it until Season 10. Well, I’m guessing “Spring Fever” was intended for this episode, and they had already written the segments…. only to find out they couldn’t that short, and had to use the “Home Economics” short. Just a guess.

- Oh yeah, and this is one of those films like “Women of the Prehistoric Planet” where the title is somewhat misleading. OK, yeah there’s a sea serpent in the film….. but just barely!

- Servo likes his waffles with runny cheese?! EWWWWWWW!!!!

Best Segment: The Willy Waffle segment is cute, and kinda funny when you know the context behind it.
Worst Segment: Uh, yeah…. Segment 2 is kind of a lame set-up to a lame joke.

Overall: It’s okay. **1/2

[brandonakaxerxes]

318 - Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
Opening: Tom and Crow discuss the nature of puppets
Invention exchange: Tom and Crow compete in a “name-that-puppet” quiz show, with Joel as quizmaster. In Deep 13, the Mads have invented big noses, while Joel shows off his big head
Host segment 1: Tom Servo is dead! Joel and Crow rush to save him
Host segment 2: J&tB present the Captain Joe action figure
Host segment 3: J&tB sing: “The Fugitive Alien medley
End: Crow and Tom are hoping to influence the Mads’ movie choices; Joel asks the bots how they would designing the ultimate evil person; Joel reads letters; Frank defends Tom T. Hall
Stinger: “Captain, I’ve got it fixed! It’s all working again!”

Memorable riffs from movie:
Joel: “Star Force 2! Two times the action, two times the confusion!”

Servo: “…. Which Ken hawked for a pack of cigarettes.”

Crow: “Ken’s a loner? How much longer before you’re Ken is fixed?”

Servo: “Um, he was just showing him where his larynx is.”

Character in movie: “Rocky, hold your fire!”
Crow (as Rocky J. Squirrel): “Again?”

Servo: “They’re having the film steam-cleaned.”

Character in movie: “You rule in?”
Crow: “Yep! We’re number 1!”

Crow: “Oh! And, he picks up the spare!”

Rocky: “Don’t worry, it was just a knock-out dart!”
Crow: “Of course, it pierced his colon!”

Servo: “Uh, you got a little toilet paper on your shoe.”

Crow: “It’s Super Tom Servo!”

Servo: “Oh look, he’s doing Joe Cocker!”

Joel: “Hey, it’s a three-legged race!”

Servo: “This is why we don’t let teenagers into our hotels anymore.”

Joel: “By the way, you’re sitting on the urinal.”

“He’ll always be a Star Wolf.”
Crow: “Never a star.”

Crow: “Hey, neat! Where’d you get the girl on a stick?”

Fav. riff:
Crow: “Well, good thing we’re not branches.”

Comments:
- Oh how ironic. Servo and Crow discussing what makes a puppet a puppet. Also, Crow’s hands have some chipped paint on them.

- One of the characters name is “Dark Helmet”, another is “Star Wolf”. Umm….

- Anyone besides me think Rocky’s suit looks like a Power Ranger outfit?

- I wonder how they got Servo’s head to crack apart in the theater.

- Okay when Ken gets excited for shooting an enemy with that laser cannon, I expected J&TB to say, “Great, kid! Don’t get cocky!” But, they never do.

- Joel forgets Servo when they return to the theater after Segment 2. Was that deliberate?

- Another reference to “high-definition TV” years before it’d become a household phrase.

- Is Servo imitating someone in Segment 3? Also, in this segment, Gypsy’s mouth doesn’t seem to be attached right, and doesn’t close right.

- Fans often comment that during the Sci-Fi Channel era they were too hard on the films, or being to critical, even if the film wasn’t that bad. However, during the closing segment of this episode Servo comments about having the Mads send up films that aren’t as bad as Fugitive Alien II, which seems harsh to me, I thought this film was ok. Campy, but ok.

Best Segment: The “Tom Servo is Dead” segment features some great acting from Joel, and great dramatic camera angles! Great work to all!
Worst Segment: A lame Invention Exchange.

Overall: 4 stars! This is a top-notch episode! ****

[brandonakaxerxes]

319 - War of the Colossal Beast, with short Mr. B Natural

Memorable riffs from short:
Mr. B Natural (not on-screen): “Boy, am I glad to see you!”
Crow: “It’s not mutual….”

Joel: “Why does my kid have to be a dud? I was popular!”

Buzz: “Are you a musician, Mr. B?”
Servo: “Nah, I’m in marketing.”

Joel: “Uh, Mr. B, what would YOU know about dignity?”

Fav. riff from short:
Mr. B Natural: “I was in the garden with Adam and Eve!”
Servo (sheepishly): “Yeah, you were the snake….”

Memorable riffs from movie:
Joel: “It’s a Domino’s guy, and he’s under quota!”

Servo: “Uh-Oh! They got the truck wet! They’re already over budget.”

Character in movie: “Anybody home?”
Servo: “Um, it’s an office. Nobody lives here…”

Servo: “Dom Deluise big?”

Crow: “HE SPOKE AGAIN!”

Joel: “Oh my God! Her arms…. oh, it’s just a sweater.”

Character in Movie: “How do you expect us to find Glenn?”
Crow: “He’s 60 feet tall!”

(Glenn grunts)
Crow: “Sounds like Tim Allen.”

Joel: “The big guy was kicking the back of my seat the whole time!”

Crow: “Help! There’s a normal-sized person under my bed!”

Crow: “Sponge bath alone could take 2…. 3 hours.”

Crow: “Okay now pick it up again! Ten more reps!”

Fav. riff from movie:
Servo: “It’s your tax dollars at work, Glen!”

Comments:
- Crow’s “run for you border” comment in the opening segment *I think* is a reference to some old Taco Bell ads that ran in the early 90s.

- Also, was the last “Dorito” card supposed to fall off the desk, or stay on? I think it was supposed to fall off, but Joel seems to run with it, as he often does.

- I’m gonna “pull a Paul Chaplin” here and say that the makers of the “Mr. B Natural” short knew perfectly well what they were doing, and are actually parodying the “Mary Martin” trope. The seemingly sexual poses the filmmakers have Betty Luster do in the short seem to be pointing to that.

- Servo gets a tad homophobic during the short, and Joel grabs his shoulder. A rare instance of disapproval towards an anti-gay joke.

- The thing that REALLY gets me about the short, that no one really comments on, is the first half seems to be a moral tale about self-confidence…. and then it abruptly turns into a documentary about how trumpets are made. What?

- I love the “Pod People” callback where B Natural gives an “okay” sign, and Servo says, “It stinks!”

- Segment 1 is well-written, but there’s a couple things about it that’s a bit cringeworthy in hindsight. Crow argues that men do not have breasts, and says this very diligently. However, there does exist a biological disorder in some men that does make them develop female-like breasts. I can only imagine their reaction to this host segment. Crow’s rebuttal against Servo’s argument also sounds a tad anti-gay. Yes, I know, it’s the early 90s and crap, but wow.

- Also, Servo’s mouth seems to be malfunctioning in Segment 1. Servo is supposed to be speaking in a fast tone (because Joel is trying to get him to reach his point), but I guess Kevin is having trouble with the mouth trigger, and Servo’s mouth opens and closes very slowly. It’s weird.

- As the lead male and female characters climb a mountain, Servo comments they should carve Crazy Horse there. I have no idea when exactly the Crazy Horse mountain started getting sculpted, but if it was after this episode, then add this to the list of things MST3K predicted.

- State Park joke: “They’re only keeping him there because he’s a big freak.”

- I love how when Glen escapes the base, and that one military guy runs up to his boss in this very sissy manner. Sheesh, was that the best take they had of this scene?

- I cracked up laughing over the “Pope becomes grandmother” report Joel gives in Segment 3.

- I have to say this has to be one the most POINTLESS sequels ever made. Pretty much everything that happened in the first film, happens here too with no real variation. Were they that desperate for cash?

- I like how Joel gets genuinely concerned at the end as Glenn approaches some electric telephone wires.

- Erm…. is that a real letter that Glen (Mike Nelson) is reading in the final host segment, or a fake one?

- They didn’t take the stinger from the short often, but I love that we get one last appearance by Mr. B natural. Almost like she’s….. he’s saying, “Hi! Remember me? See you in your nightmares!”

Best Segment: Maybe the KTLA segment.
Worst Segment: Segment 2 only exists just to set up the fact that Glen has letters to read during the closing segment.

Overall: The short is hilarious to watch, but the film itself doesn’t offer a lot of material for J&TB. Most of the comments they make are just random observations. So ratings wise, I’ll just give it 2 1/2 stars. **1/2

[brandonakaxerxes]

320 - “The Unearthly”

Memorable riffs from “Posture Pals”
Servo: “Amazing physique for an 8-year old.”

Servo: “They’re disgusted and filled with self-loathing.”

Crow: “A playground where apes evolved from Man?!”

Joel: “They’re the posture posse!”

Memorable riffs from “Appreciating Our Parents”
Servo: “It’s called ‘guilt’, and boy does it work!”

Servo: “Tommy calls many men ‘Dad’.”

Servo: “But, first he straps gophers to his feet.”

Joel: “And, what all the yelling’s about.”

Narrator: “After a week of trying…”
Crow: “He gives up!”

Servo: “Get Porky some pants!”

Crow: “Tommy only showers half his body to save water.”

Fav. riff from “Posture Pals”
Joel: “Mrs. Martin! Tommy drew a bong!”

Fav. riff from “Appreciating Our Parents”
Servo: “Mom? Dad? OH MY GOD! THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

Memorable riffs from “The Unearthly”:

Crow: “Hey, don’t forget to turn the guy off!”

Joel: “Sign, sign, everywhere a sign.”

Servo: “What do you say we go to the Swamp and have cocktails?”

Servo: “Oh no! She looks like me!”

Servo: “I have some bad news, your modeling career is down the toilet.”

Crow: “Get Michael Jackson on the phone! He might wanna buy one of these guys!”

Fav. riff from movie:
John Carradine gets stabbed)
Servo: “Ssssssssssssssssss….”

Comments:
- Gypsy’s eye is missing in the opening segment, and in its place, a video camera!

- A rare moment where we see Crow’s feet. They look like weird duck feet.

- Was Joel having some allergies the day they filmed this episode? He sure is blinking a lot.

- We can *sort of* see Crow’s eye mechanism during the invention Exchange.

- When Dr. F sends the films he says “Enjoy!” like Dr. Erhardt. He even pauses for a moment after he says it.

-At the beginning of the 1st short, Servo quotes Joel’s “Weird which results in creativity”. Crow repeats it in Segment 3.

-When Crow leaves the theater to go “freshen up”, you can see Trace set the gnarled Crow down before he brings in the normal Crow puppet.

- Surprisingly, they don’t make a “Goodnight John Boy” reference during the “Goodnight scene” in the 2nd short.

- Nitpick regarding “Appreciating Our Parents”. The narrator explicitly says a parents doesn’t have to do as much work if their son or daughter simply puts things away “where they belong”. However, what if the parent prefers something in a different place? Speaking as someone who has a bit of OCD, this *can* be aggravating.

- The Brains sure like that “Big Head” prop, because there it is again in Segment 1.

- When that guy chews out Tor for the cold food, did anyone else besides me think about riffing out, “Tor, your a lousy butler!”?

Best Segment: The Tor Johnson segment is pretty funny.
Worst Segment: The board game segment dies early.

Overall: Oh wow, this episode comes CLOSE to being a dud. The riffing on the shorts is pretty good, but the riffing on the film itself is near KTMA-like. It doesn’t help that The Unearthly doesn’t have much going on. I give it ** stars.

[brandonakaxerxes]

321 - “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Memorable Riffs:
Servo: “Okay! Thank you for the song!”

Joel: “Oh he’s just being obtuse.”

Santa: “Well, we’ve never disappointed the kids yet!”
Crow: “Except for the poor ones.”

Servo: “Uh, what’s in the pipe Santa?”

Crow: “Gentlemen, we can’t ALL be the Honey Nut Cheerios bee!”

News Anchor: “This seems to be a day where a lot of things are disappearing into thin air.”
Crow: “Including a few frames of the film.”

Droppo: “And, these….”
Servo: “… are meaningless!”

Martian: “You’re coming with us!”
Joel: “You’re coming to town!”

Joel: “Oh, he stopped them short!”

Santa: “Now, now Billy, that’s not the Christmas spirit.”
Crow: “I’m Jewish, Santa.”

Joel: “Those must be for the LAPD.”

Drop: “My finger isn’t tired!”
Crow: “Look out, nose!”

Joel: “…. and it’s ticking!”

Servo: “What is this, the long goodbye? JUST LEAVE! GO ON! GET OUTTA HERE!”

Fav. Riff:
Joel: “Ice Station Zebra, the early years.”

Comments:
- Is Gypsy asking for a pony a reference to the first Simpsons Christmas special?

- Dr. F mentions his boss (presumably the head of Gizmonic Institute) being on vacation. It’s rare that it’s acknowledged there’s someone over The Mads.

- I used to find the “Wish Squisher” a pretty cool visual effect…. until I paid closer attention to what Frank does with the gifts before he puts them in….. it’s one of those things I can’t unseen now.

- There was a “Road House” Monopoly Game. So…. I guess the idea of a Road House board game came true.

- If someone ever gets an opportunity to interview Pia Zadora, someone should ask her about this film.

- I love how the news anchor in the film is so casual and nonchalant while reporting on the disappearance on the two children.

- For the record, “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is NOT only 9 minutes long.

- I also love the fact that Santa becomes so somber when his elves get frozen in place, but after being informed the freeze will where off eventually, Santa just goes, ‘Oh, well in that case, never mind’. And then when Mrs. Claus gets frozen, he just cracks jokes about how it’s odd she’s so silent now. What a douche.

- Another slightly douchebag thing about Santa. He seems more concerned about not being at the North Pole with his wife, than the children being away from their parents.

- It’s also strange to me that not a lot of time in the film passes between the Martians abducting Santa, and Santa seen in the prison cell with the kids. Yet he comments that Droppo “always” makes him laugh. Huh? How long have they been held prisoner? Sheesh!

- Anyone besides me think the slam against Blake Edwards came out of nowhere?

- When Droppo gets adducted, the Santa hat changes position on his helmet 9it’s now dangling from the back, when originally it was dangling from the front). J&TB don’t notice this.

- At the end of the movie, J&TB have a VERY strange discussion about delivering riffs, and apparently Servo doesn’t understand what they’re talking about. It’s a weird moment. I guess The Brains couldn’t think of many jokes for the end, so decided to just have J&TB babble over nothing.

- Out of Character moment: Crow wants to stay and watch the credits. Why?

- I like that Crow’s present seems to consist of spare bowling pins.

- The person that wrote the letter at the end, I wonder if her and her husband are still together, and still watch MST3K. That’d be awfully heartwarming if it were the case.

Best Segment: Let’s have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this yeeeeaaar….
Worst Segment: The whole segment with the Christmas video tapes doesn’t offer a lot, and seemed like padding.

Overall: This is one of my all-time favorite episodes, and is possibly the crown jewel of Season 3 altogether. 4 stars! ****

[brandonakaxerxes]

322 - Master Ninja I

Memorable Riffs:
Crow: “Meanwhile, in Illinois, USA.”

Crow: “Wow, he got paid to kiss Demi Moore!”

Servo: “The way you sing off-key!”

Joel: “… and an agent who can’t guarantee a stunt double.”

Crow: “Meanwhile, Timothy’s having a Vietnam flashback.”

Servo: “I hope she’s into big-ass medallions.”

Servo: “Miss, could we please get some bread or something?”

Crow: “Down in front, old man!”

(mirror breaks)
Joel: “Uh-oh! Seven years bad acting!”

Joel: “I gotta go to the little ninja’s room!”

Servo: “Sheesh, check out the chrome domes in this scene.”

Fav. Riff:
Joel: “Hey! I bought that chair, and you’re gonna use it!”

Comments:
- Gypsy’s lips are now black. Maybe she became a Tim Burton fan.

- Through the passage of time, the term “adult books” means something different today. *sigh*

- I always found it odd that Demi Moore just abruptly drops out of the film 20 minutes in.

- For the 2nd episode in a row, Crow gets pulled off-camera by Joel to be punished. Was this some running gag the brains were attempting?

- It’s funny how Crow’s net just suddenly falls off, and they keep going.

- In Segment 2, Dr. F tells Frank to “send them the movie”. Huh? Didn’t he, like, already do that?

- Although Crow says it’s “very good”, I think Servo does one of the worst Barry White impressions I’ve ever heard. Sounded more like Dr. Claw.

- Dated Riff: Joel mentions the wheelchair girl as being dressed like she works at Arby’s. Employees at Arby’s haven’t dressed that way in YEARS.

- I think if this movie were to be featured on Rifftrax, or Cinematic Titanic, we’d hear quite a few Diabolik jokes.

Best Segment: The Nunchucks segment is silly.
Worst Segment: The closing segment offers nothing.

Overall: A very slow beginning, but picks up eventually. Not many really good riffs. ** 1/2

[brandonakaxerxes]

323 - Castle of Fu Manchu

Memorable Riffs:
Joel: “Call it quits! That pretty much screws up the shuffleboard!”

Servo: “Woah, somebody wet their bed!”

Joel: “Good job. You caught a tree with that little fish.”

Crow: “Staring contest on the left!”

Crow: “We now return to Those Magnificent Men and their Jaunty Jalopies.”

Servo: “Oh, I can’t watch this…. I mean, I can’t *see* this!”

(dam starts breaking)
Joel: “I suddenly have to go to the bathroom.”

Crow: “Jelly donut got away from you, huh?”

Fav. Riff:
Crow: “Any excuse to get the girl wet.”

Comments:
- Gypsy’s lips are still black.

- In Segment 1, Crow has some tape on his hands to keep his fingers closed while he holds the paper.

- I *really* don’t get why Joel and the ‘Bots act so traumatized by this film. More evidence of them being harsh towards a film, during the Joel-era.

- Great line from Frank in the closing segment, while bragging about how funny he is: “My nickname was Zeppo!”

Best Segment: A pretty good opening segment.
Worst Segment: Another weak Invention Exchange.

Overall: None of the host segments are very good, but there’s some strong riffing, for an otherwise dull film. ** 1/2 stars.

[brandonakaxerxes]

323 - Master Ninja II

Memorable Riffs:
Servo: “Now believe me, it’s a really big crowd!”

Joel: “Looks like the camera lost interest in Timothy.”

Servo: “No, that’s my wife!”

Servo: “It’s a potluck! We gotta bring a dish!”

Fav. Riff:
Crow: “He’s the butt of that joke.”

Comments:
- Is the opening segment meant to be some kind of ‘Take That’ against ‘Whose Line?” or are they just funning improv in general?

- Funny line from the movie: “You’re going’ faster than the car!”

- Obscure reference: Joel mentions the “Groovy Goulies” at one point.

- In the closing segment, a fan letter asks the crew what they’re favorite movie is. Crow *doesn’t* say “Road House”!

- Frank’s speech about writing to a network to save a show sounds awfully prophetic.

Best Segment: The General “Timothy Van Patten” segment is gold.
Worst Segment: The opening improv sketch is weak.

Overall: A terrible way to end Season 3, which is overall a great season, but this episode leaves me kind of hanging.

[brandonakaxerxes]

401 - Space Travelers

Memorable Riffs:
Joel: “You know this movie works because we care about the characters.”

Crow: “A million dollars spent on this program, and no one thought about a camera strap.”

Servo: “… and then he’ll vomit on some Japanese people.”

Servo: “…. and don’t sleep in the subway, Baby!”

Joel: “I guess it can wait until you’re dea- er… I mean down.”

Servo: “Is there any way I can look any dorkier?”

Joel: “Well they could flip a coin, but it’d never come down.”

Crow: “I have a big scene coming up, I need the oxygen!”

Crow: “Come here dumbski.”

Fav. Riff:
Servo: “Oh and I have a quote from Mr. Hackman. He said, ‘AAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH’.”

Comments:
- Dirty joke in the opening segment: Crow finds the chains comfortable on him.

- There is no way Joel’s invention would fly in real life, as altering dollar bills like that is a federal offense.

- I like how the camera shakes every time Dr. F sneezes.

- At one point in the theater, Crow hiccups. It doesn’t seem to be in response to anything from the movie, so I wonder if it was a genuine hiccup from Trace.

- Note in Host Segment 2, Crow says, “Roger, Corman!” Clever!

- Crow gets disciplined by Joel again after a host segment.

- In Segment 3 Joel discusses the possibility that one of them may have to leave the ship at some point…..

- There’s a nice little nod to “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” during Segment 3. Anyone catch it?

Best Segment: I liked the closing segment.
Worst Segment: Segment 2

Overall: First half is kinda slow, but picks up after that. None of the host segments really work. ***

[brandonakaxerxes]

402 - The Giant Gila Monster

Memorable Riffs:
Servo: “It’s young Jim Morrison as the Lizard King!”

Drunk Guy: “How’d you get me into bed?”
Servo: “It was the cologne.”

Crow: “Oh, don’t say ‘bald spot’. I’m sensitive.”

Crow: “I’m gonna go and listen to my cat scream.”

Joel: “He’s phoning in his lines!”

Servo: “Look out, everyone! There’s a forked tongue in the road!”

Servo: “Woah! Watch the pizza!”

Joel: “Sheriff, you’re breathing all funny!”

Fav. Riff:
Servo: “Well he about crawled out of my jurisdiction.”

Comments:
- With there being an “Odd Couple” reboot, the opening segment has sorta become relevant again.

- This won’t be the first time we hear Servo compliment his own behind.

- In Segment 1, Servo has something attached to his back. Anyone know what that it?

- Gypsy has arms in Segment 2!

- Before seeing this episode for the first time, I didn’t know what “blocking” was.

- In the closing segment we see Servo without his top red cap! Also, Crow’s neck extends.

- I still wonder what became of “Shannen”, the young girl that misidentified Crow as “Art”.

Best Segment: Segment 3 gets a real leg up. Har-Har.
Worst Segment: Segment 1 is yet another one of those sketches that doesn’t go anywhere.

Overall: Not a favorite. I find the movie too boring, and the riffing isn’t really strong except when the gila monster is present, and the lizard is present much. ** stars.

[brandonakaxerxes]

401 - City Limits

Memorable Riffs:
Servo: “I’d say he’s out of his skull now…”

Crow: “Aw, damn! We overshot him!”

Crow: “Look at the back! It’s the audience’s interest curve!”

Crow: “It’s a little late for script revisions.”

Joel: “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Goons?”

Joel: “Bonehead. Heh.”


Crow: “Oh, and he picks up a spare… rib.”

Servo: “Um. I’m guessing it’s closed.”

Servo: “What is this, Pantsless Motorcycle Repair?”

Servo: “Oh it’s still too hot, gotta take off more clothes.”

(woman kicks motorcycle over)
Crow: “Oh, it’s a kickstart.”

Servo: “These desk jobs will just kill ya.”

Fav. Riff:
Crow: “Hey! That’s a cover of a ‘Far Side’ gallery!”

Comments:
- Servo’s hands are flesh colored! It’s a tad distracting.

- We get a callback to the first ever stinger: “Help me!”

- Servo’s comment about Dick Clark is quite accurate… except for the stroke part.

- Joel’s umbrella doesn’t *quite* cover the naked lady completely. Not that I’m griping….

- I wonder why Dr. F didn’t bother mentioning Robby Benson being in this movie? I’d say he’s about as noteworthy as Kim Cattrall.

- I’d like to point out that it takes *6 minutes* for the film’s opening credits to run through. That’s gotta be some kind of record.

- Joel, at one point compares the film’s music to Kenny Loggins’ music. Wanna bet that riff came from Mike?

- Dated riff: When Kim Cattrall struggles with an old computer, Crow suggests she upgrade to Windows. Remember when Windows computers were considered good?

- In Segment 2, we get a call back from “Cave Dwellers”. The comic books/graphic novels terminology.

- J&TB seem to think that short woman working on the bike is going pantsless. Well, she actually isn’t. Just wearing a short skirt.

- At one point they make a Bruce Jenner joke that sounds kinda prophetic.

State Park joke: “Hey, they broke another gate!”

- Joel uses the term “homey”. I didn’t know that term was around in 1992.

- I love how one of the fan letters erroneously refers to the show as “MTS”, and Crow yells, “Wrong!”

Best Segment: The ‘Kim Cattrall’ segment is a classic, despite having a relatively simple premise.
Worst Segment: Segment 3 is just a continuation of Segment 2, without really adding anything.

Overall: Some rather lame host segments, a boring movie, however the riffing is pretty steady. ** 1/2

[brandonakaxerxes]

401 - Teenagers From Outer Space

Memorable Riffs:
Servo: “We have the supreme pizzas!”

Leader: “You will wait until the sky is light…”
Joel: “It *is* light!”

Grandpa: “You can’t miss it.”
Joel: “Just like you can’t miss me.”

Crow: “This is bogus! I’m going to the deep end!”

Crow: “Gramps started early today.”

Servo: “Whoah, I never toasted someone that old before!”

Servo: “Nickels! Check for nickels!”

Thor: “You will take me to a doctor to remove these metal pellets.”
Joel: “Well, it’s 2:30, they’re probably all golfing.”

Crow: “Hey, what’s a turkey roasting pan doing in the office?”
Servo: “If he dies, he can make soup.”

Servo: “Well as long as we’re down here…”

Betty: “That was the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen!”
Servo: “Yeah the lobster was pretty bad too.”

Crow: “Ah, turn Rush Limbaugh off!”

Servo: “Oh crimety, there’s little chunks of Derrick everywhere!”

Fav. Riff:
Crow: “Now you’ll have to wait an hour. It’s standard procedure.”

Comments:

- Obscure reference: Joel calls the robots ‘Mutt and Jeff’ during the Invention Exchange.

- I noticed there’s a “Kent Rogers” in the film’s opening credits. Highly unlikely it’s Kent Rogers the voice actor, as he was killed during WWII, and this film was made in the ‘50s.

- Similar to the “human phone ring” in ‘Monster A-Go Go’, the crows cawing in this film are pretty obviously noises being made by actors.

- I gotta say, Servo’s “If he ever wakes up” comment ranks up there with one of the darkest riffs they ever dished out. Wow.

- I like how when Thor shouts “GET IN!” Servo actually jumps, as if he was genuinely startled by that.

- After operating on Thor, did that doctor leave, and open the door, without sanitizing his hands? EWWWWW!

- When that giant lobster shows up, is it just me, or does Derrick suddenly obtain an Italian accent?

- That guy drinking the booze, does not look ANYTHING like Mel Brooks!

- Segment 3 is kind of a throwback to Season 2 with the running gag of Crow saying there’s a ship outside and no one believes him.

- Anyone besides me think Betty is too calm and collected when she’s on the phone with the police officer, regarding the giant lobster?

- I also find it funny that the cop does everything Betty tells him to without questioning it. Also, it’s funny that he keeps sitting back down after doing every order.

- Typical B-movie trope: Betty wears that dress for almost the whole duration of the film, and yet it never gets dirty.

- Wow, there’s a lot of Oz references in this episode.

Best Segment: Segment 3 is pretty funny. It has this really cool build-up….. and then a deliberately disappointing pay-off. Nice.
Worst Segment: Another disappointing Invention Exchange.

Overall: It’s good, but not great. ** 1/2

[brandonakaxerxes]

405 – Being From Another Planet

Memorable Riffs:
(“Robert Random” appears on-screen)
Crow: “Oh, they picked him out of nowhere.”

(“Melissa Prophet” appears on-screen)
Joel: “I predict her career will go nowhere.”

(students remove mummy)
Crow: “Oh, phew! Light a match!”

Student: “Why would he have been given a hasty burial?”
Crow: “Oh, like I was there?”

Crow: “She can’t stand the sight of pudding.”

Crow: “They TP’ed her!”

Character: “Hey, Bill?”
Joel: “I’ve got the wedding bell blues!”

Crow: “… and get me a pound of goat cheese!”

Character: “it’s like the fungus—“
J&TB: “… among us!”

Crow: “Oh, she missed the pool! That will affect her score!”

Fav. Riff:
Crow: “Hello, Winchell’s? Send me a police officer right over!”

Comments:
– Servo’s hands are still flesh colored.

– That Leonard Nimoy riff kinda stings now due to Nimoy’s recent passing.

– We see Joel take off Servo’s red cap in Segment 1. He does it again in Segment 3.

– The comic book/graphic novel debate returns.

– Why is Crow so freaked out by the boiler room?

– Dirty riff: “Oh, so we’ve got 5 minutes!”

– This film is similar to ‘Pod People’, in the sense that there’s about 3 different plots, different sets of characters going on and running about.

– As noted by many fans, the robots were regularly mean to Mike, but rarely tormented Joel. Segment 2 is an example of the bots not being too kind to Joel (although he gets the better of them by the end).

– Gypsy’s lips are still black.

– Oh come on, Servo! The movie wasn’t that bad!

Best Segment: The Bill Mumy segment.
Worst Segment: A boring opening segment.

Overall: Average. ** 1/2