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Post by The Mad Plumber on Sept 5, 2011 22:36:12 GMT -5
If there is anything that The Critic and George Lucas has taught us, it's that films are never finished. We must all adopt the philosophy that anything that is old is stupid and that CGI edits are the way of the future. The so-called "classic" films of the past must be modified if we are to waste any of our precious resources to preserve them. MST3K users, it is time to tell Hollywood how to modify those dated pieces of aging garbage to be the masterpieces of today. - In the film RoboCop, there is a scene where the titular hero shoots a thug in the testicles to save a rape victim. This scene unfortunately makes RoboCop look brutal. I suggest that the scene be digitally edited to make it look like the rapist tried to shoot at RoboCop's crotch first, thus making RoboCop's shot in reactionary self-defense.
- In Ghostbusters, we need to add the audio effects of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man yelling "no" when he's being shot by the proton packs and then screaming it as his face is incinerated. Also, the Ectomobile needs to be replaced with a pod racer.
- In Pinocchio, we need to add a scene at the end that confirms that all the boys who were turned into asses were transformed back so that the ending is truly happy one.
- The song "Feed the Birds" from Mary Poppins needs to be replaced with "Jedi Rocks".
- In the film Blazing Saddles, we need to replace each instance of the word "n*****" with a walkie-talkie.
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Torgo
Moderator Emeritus
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Post by Torgo on Sept 5, 2011 23:07:40 GMT -5
Boring.
Let's get a bunch of porn films, edit the sex out leaving only the acting (not even nipple), then go high school to high school and sell them to teenagers at 50 bucks a pop.
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Post by Mitchell on Sept 5, 2011 23:44:10 GMT -5
Because teenagers will buy supposed porn on VHS for $50 when surfing redtube is free?
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Torgo
Moderator Emeritus
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Posts: 15,420
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Post by Torgo on Sept 5, 2011 23:53:12 GMT -5
Junior high? The dumber the better!
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Post by siamesesin on Sept 6, 2011 1:49:50 GMT -5
Because teenagers will buy supposed porn on VHS for $50 when surfing redtube is free? Because teenagers even know what VHS stands for anymore?
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Post by Mighty Jack on Sept 6, 2011 1:59:17 GMT -5
This thread has lost its plot. Lets steer it back, shall we?
I like the Robo-Cop idea Mad.
I think Lucas should update Citizen Kane and add new footage with a rocket powered sled that wisks Kane off his deathbed and into an adventure, much like the Goonies.
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Post by Mitchell on Sept 6, 2011 4:39:13 GMT -5
I think the idea is fantastic too, but I'm not surprised Torgo derailed it in one.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Sept 6, 2011 8:15:34 GMT -5
Because teenagers will buy supposed porn on VHS for $50 when surfing redtube is free? Because teenagers even know what VHS stands for anymore? Serendipity: my son found a box of VHS tapes in the basement this weekend. "Wow, dad. I didn't know you had all these old fashioned things. Are they in color?" Asshole.
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Post by TheNewMads on Sept 6, 2011 8:37:15 GMT -5
Boring. Let's get a bunch of porn films, edit the sex out leaving only the acting (not even nipple), then go high school to high school and sell them to teenagers at 50 bucks a pop. there's actually some guy on youtube who cuts all the sex scenes out of cheesy 80s porn movies and puts the cleaned up versions on youtube. it's surprisingly entertaining.
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Post by TheNewMads on Sept 6, 2011 8:38:50 GMT -5
how about colorizing the black and white parts of "wizard of oz"?
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Sept 6, 2011 8:48:49 GMT -5
I want to take The Thin Man and actually ADD porn scenes so that we can finally see how hot and spicy the sex was between Nick and Nora. You know they got pretty freaky when they were both trashed. Nick would put all that energy he used for logic and witticisms into his "technique," and Nora finally stopped thinking about how to manipulate Nick into doing something constructive instead of drinking and just because a raving, hungry she-wolf. Awesomeness.
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Post by Mr. Atari on Sept 6, 2011 9:30:21 GMT -5
You can imagine where it goes from here.
He fixes the cable?
And The Third Man needs to have a CGI character (a little 8-year-old) who looks at the camera and says his catch-phrase 10 times throughout the movie: "Ich liebe penicillin."
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Torgo
Moderator Emeritus
-segment with Crow?
Posts: 15,420
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Post by Torgo on Sept 6, 2011 9:57:56 GMT -5
I think the idea is fantastic too, but I'm not surprised Torgo derailed it in one. It's what I do.
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Post by siamesesin on Sept 6, 2011 12:11:32 GMT -5
Because teenagers even know what VHS stands for anymore? Serendipity: my son found a box of VHS tapes in the basement this weekend. "Wow, dad. I didn't know you had all these old fashioned things. Are they in color?" Asshole. Lovely. I'll wait until he's legal.
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Post by TheNewMads on Sept 6, 2011 12:25:44 GMT -5
we could redo citizen kane so the reporter finds out what rosebud is at the end. that's always been a bit unsatisying.
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