Bad jokes!

[emperordorkin]

No no no!!! It was, and will always will be...

NUMBER 8!!!!!

[marytrobot]

One day the teacher asked little johnny "who signed the declation of independence?"
Johnny said "sh*t I'll be damned if i know"
The teacher was horrified and told johnny to stay after school. After school she called in Johnny's dad and said "listen to this, Jonny who signed the declation of indepence?"
"f*ck if I know" answered Johnny.
Johnny's dad stood up in a rage and screamed at Johnny "God damn it johnny if you signed the f*cking thing you better fess your ass up now!"

[Blurryeye]

There was a blonde woman sitting in first class on a flight to Sydney, Australia. She had not paid for a first-class ticket and was actually sitting in someone else's seat. The steward tried to tell her to move to her designated seat in coach. She refused to move. "I'm flying to Sydney first class."
Well, the steward tried to explain that she had not paid for first-class seating and she was in someone else's seat. But still she said, "I'm flying to Sydney first class." The exasperated steward went to the captain to see if he could do anything about it. After explaining the problem, the captain said, "Oh sure, I know exactly how to handle this. This has happened before." So he let the second pilot take over flying the jet, and got up to talk to the blonde woman.
He whispered something in her ear, and then she immediately stood up and walked to her seat in coach. The amazed steward asked the captain what he said to her.
"Oh, it was easy. I just told her that first class was flying to Singapore."

[doctorz]

A redneck and a Frenchman were sitting at the bar grousing about their wives. "Mon Dieu!" started the Frenchman, " My wife, she knows nothing about the value of money! This week she goes to New York with some friends and buys two diamond encrusted dog collars and she doesn't even have a dog!" "poopie." answers the redneck,"Listen to this one good buddy, my wife doesn't know the value of a buck either! Why last week she and her friends went to Gatlinburg and she went to Eckards and bought a box of condoms and she doesn't even have a penis!"

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

[nightfalcawk]

Three guys were sitting at a bar. One had red hair, one had blue hair, and one had green hair. The bartender went up to the one with blue hair and asked why his hair is blue. He responds: "It's because I eat a lot of blueberries."

Then he asks the one with red hair the same question, he reponds: "It's because I eat a lot of strawberries."

He finally goes to the guy with green hair and asks him why his hair is green. He wipes his hair and responds "Achoo! I don't know."

[yousonuva]

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

( Just did this one to get it out of the way.you know)

[nightfalcawk]

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and place peas around it. So when he leans over to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
That one was from Mom-mom!

[Afgncaap5]

Number Eight! Ha! That one's a classic.

Now then, some truly bad humor.....I think I've already posted this elsewhere, so stop reading me if you've heard this one.

A mathematician, biologist and physicist walk into a bar. Across the street, they see two people walk into a building. A minute later, three people walk out.

"The original quantities were mismeasured," says the physicist.

"The subjects must have reproduced," says the biologist.

The mathematician thought about this for a moment before responding, "Now if you put another person into the building, it'll be empty again!"

[nightfalcawk]

Afgncaap5 said:

Number Eight! Ha! That one's a classic.
The mathematician thought about this for a moment before responding, "Now if you put another person into the building, it'll be empty again!"

LOL! That's great!

[Afgncaap5]

There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Thank you! Good-night!

[Blurryeye]

A neutron walks into a bar. "How much are the drinks here?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

[Afgncaap5]

Johnny was a chemist,
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

[nightfalcawk]

Warning! Blonde joke!

Three blondes are stuck on a deserted island. One of them finds a magical lamp. After rubbing the lamp a genie pops out . He decides to grant each girl one wish each. The first girl wishes to leave the island. The genie gives her scuba gear. As she's swimming away a shark eats her.

The next girl wishes to leave the island too. The genie makes her a boat. As she's siling away a shark eats her.

The final girl asks to leave the island, but in a smart way. So the genie turns her into a brunette and she walks across the bridge to the city.

[Mr. Atari]

Afgncaap5 said:

There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Thank you! Good-night!

Wow. You owe me a new keyboard.

So there are two pastors whose churches are on opposite sides of the town square. As a result, they pass each other to work on their bicycles every day. One day, Pastor Green was walking.

"Where's your bike?" asked Pastor Brown.

"Someone stole it. What should I do?" he replied.

Pastor Brown said, "Well you should preach through the 10 commandments. When you get to 'Thou shalt not steal', the thief will be so overwhelmed with guilt that he'll return your bike."

A few weeks later, Pastor Brown saw Pastor Green on his bike again.

"So, did you take my advice about the 10 commandments?"

"Yep."

"Did the thief come forward?"

"No. When I got to the commandment, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I left my bike."

[Blurryeye]

Two atoms are walking down the street. One of them says, "I think I just lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."