|
Post by nightfalcawk on Jul 28, 2005 18:10:03 GMT -5
WORST. NAME CHANGE. EVER.
|
|
|
Post by dash on Jul 28, 2005 18:10:08 GMT -5
Which part was hilarious? I got to get my nephew's tape recorder! this was the exact point where i totally lost it: "Do I look like Rosie O’Donnel to you? I’m no retard."
|
|
colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
|
Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 18:10:46 GMT -5
WORST. NAME CHANGE. EVER. What, I can't be Tennis?
|
|
|
Post by Ratso on Jul 28, 2005 18:11:03 GMT -5
NOTE: I got bored and wrote this after watching too many episodes of MacGyver and Hunter back to back on TVLand. I apologize if it sucks. What are you nuts? That was hysterical!
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 18:11:32 GMT -5
Ratso: And Now Back to THEY’RE COPS!
Det. Van Hagar: Well Ratso, we have to transport this guy to Winnipeg Police, something tells me something is right in the state of Canada.
Det. Ratso: Van Hagar, Canada is a country not a state.
Det. Van Hagar: Shut up, I know my geology.
Van Hagar looks out and sees a car following them,
Van Hagar: Come on, come on, get out of here. Move it! Pull over dammit!
Van Hagar and Ratso begin shooting out the window at the car. They shoot back.
Unsavory (their captive) hits them with a briefcase.
Unsavory: Pull over.
OTR The Cab Driver: Please don’t shoot.
Unsavory: Don’t worry, I dem dare hosers really good, aye?
OTR The Cab Driver: What?
Unsavory shoots him in the head. Ratso gets back up and fights with Unsavory, Unsavory escapes and gets into the car with LMD and CFF. Van Hagar confused, realizes he hasn’t written parts for women really well. The car explodes, but Van Hagar & Ratso escape unscathed and walk back to town. They enter Winnipeg and then go to a bar.
Van Hagar: Can I get some Budweiser.
Blurryeye The Bartender: Yeah dare aye. We don’t serve no Budweiser, we only serve Canadian beer hoser.
Ratso: Damn I hate Canadian beer.
The entire bar stops what they’re doing and begin to attack Ratso & Van Hagar. They being action heroes easily win this 2 to 329 man fight.
Van Hagar: I just came in here for some beer sir.
Van Hagar (voice over): We’ll be back right after this.
This was written in under three minutes, I'm sure it shows.
|
|
colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
|
Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 18:11:45 GMT -5
Which part was hilarious? I got to get my nephew's tape recorder! this was the exact point where i totally lost it: "Do I look like Rosie O’Donnel to you? I’m no retard." Wow, I totally thought so, too. The Rose-tard is someone I find very amusing.
|
|
colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
|
Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 18:13:53 GMT -5
Hey, am I ever gonna get any lines, VH?
|
|
|
Post by dash on Jul 28, 2005 18:14:54 GMT -5
LOL!!! keep it going, VH!!-- this is quality stuff! i'm lovin' it!!! :: laughing still ::
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 18:36:02 GMT -5
Det. Van Hagar (voice over): And now back to THEY’RE COPS!
Det. Van Hagar and Ratso are eating at a diner.
Det. Ratso: Hey Van Hagar, look at that car.
Det. Van Hagar: Yeah, cute looking blonde, I’d sure like to....
Det. Ratso: No, it’s been sitting there the whole time we’ve been in here.
Det. Van Hagar: Gemini Man, call Captain Phantom, tell him we’ve got a 10-96 at the First National Bank.
Chef Gemini Man: Say, you boys have it too hard out there. How about you boys live with me and be short order cooks. All I ask is that you go to church with me every Sunday.
Det. Van Hagar: For the last time, we’re not living with you, you sick old freak.
Chef Gemini Man: Come on, you can try on some of my ex-wife lingerie. Don’t be ashamed. I do it all the time.
Det. Ratso: Dammit, Van Hagar you call the captain, I’ll go solo on this.
Det. Van Hagar: No let me do this. It’s dangerous, but I’ll get all the best lines.
Det. Van Hagar goes outside and pulls out his gun and his badge. Two masked robbers exit the bank with guns.
Det. Van Hagar: STOP, CITY POLICE!
Robber #1: I can’t see you’re badge, you’ll have to come closer.
Det. Van Hagar: It’s real.
Robber #2: I know it is, but he’s nearsighted.
Det. Van Hagar: Okay.
Det. Van Hagar walks over and shows them the badge.
Robber #1: That looks fake.
Det. Van Hagar: Oh come on, I’ve got the semi-balding hair like Clint Eastwood or Fred Dryer, I’ve got the nice looking slacks, I’m wearing the plaid sports jacket, who other than a cop would wear a plaid sports jacket?
Robber #1: Well we’re going to have to go to the police station to check it out.
Det. Van Hagar: FINE!
Det. Van Hagar and the two Robbers go to the police station and meet with Captain Phantom.
Captain Phantom: Yes, this is indeed legit.
Det. Van Hagar: He should know, I don’t know how many times this man who wanted this badge.
All Laugh.
Captain Phantom: Oh you. Now you boys go back out there and kill many innocent victims in the crossfire.
All: We will.
They go back to where they were. Tons of gunfire. Van Hagar shoots the driver through the heart, Robber #1 through the head and Robber #2 in the knee.
Van Hagar: Now let’s see how Robber #1 is
Van Hagar takes of the mask.
Van Hagar: Oh my god, that’s disgusting, I really nailed him.
Van Hagar begins to throw up on the sidewalk.
Van Hagar: Oh well, now let’s see who Robber #2 is.
Van Hagar begins to walk over. But Robber #2 is reaching for his rifle.
Van Hagar: Now, I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six bullets or only five. Well to be honest in all the excitement I lost count myself. But, this being a .44 magnum and the most powerful gun in the world, it would blow you’re head clean off. So you have to ask yourself, do I feel lucky. Well do ya punk? Go ‘head on, it’s your move.
Robber #2 moves his hand away from the rifle. Van Hagar walks over and picks it.
Robber #2: Hey, I gots ta know.
Van Hagar takes his revolver. He points it as the man’s head and cocks the gun. The robber has a complete look of horror on his face. Van Hagar then fires the weapon and looks surprised and shocked.
Van Hagar: Oh, I guess it was five.
Phantom (voice over): We’ll be back with THEY’RE COPS, right after this.
|
|
|
Post by dash on Jul 28, 2005 18:38:57 GMT -5
vh, you get 100 extra bonus points for mentioning hunter's fred dryer. lol
|
|
colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
|
Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 18:42:09 GMT -5
Man, I still got no lines. Bummer.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 18:44:24 GMT -5
Man, I still got no lines. Bummer. This is the Van Hagar show baby, all Van Hagar, all the time. Actually, I pencilled you in as Robber #1, but decided to make your face indistinguishable. I'll find something. I guess EVERY boad member will get their own little segment.
|
|
|
Post by Ratso on Jul 28, 2005 18:47:00 GMT -5
Man, I still got no lines. Bummer. This is the Van Hagar show baby, all Van Hagar, all the time. Actually, I pencilled you in as Robber #1, but decided to make your face indistinguishable. I'll find something. I guess EVERY boad member will get their own little segment. Even GuitarWitch?
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 18:48:12 GMT -5
This is the Van Hagar show baby, all Van Hagar, all the time. Actually, I pencilled you in as Robber #1, but decided to make your face indistinguishable. I'll find something. I guess EVERY boad member will get their own little segment. Even GuitarWitch? ESPECIALLY, GuitarWitch.
|
|
colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
|
Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 18:50:44 GMT -5
Man, I still got no lines. Bummer. This is the Van Hagar show baby, all Van Hagar, all the time. Actually, I pencilled you in as Robber #1, but decided to make your face indistinguishable. I'll find something. I guess EVERY boad member will get their own little segment. What? Speaking? I want LINES, man, the kind they don't write on the bathroom!
|
|