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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 18:56:18 GMT -5
This is the Van Hagar show baby, all Van Hagar, all the time. Actually, I pencilled you in as Robber #1, but decided to make your face indistinguishable. I'll find something. I guess EVERY boad member will get their own little segment. What? Speaking? I want LINES, man, the kind they don't write on the bathroom! You'll get a whole monolouge! |
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colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus 
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
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Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 19:11:35 GMT -5
Do I have to spell it out for you? What are you? A narc? I'm going to my other dealer, Buzzy.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 19:25:25 GMT -5
Phantom (voice over): Some of the following scenes may pertain to mature themes and be completely superfluous to the rest of the show.
Van Hagar (Voiceover): And now the thick meaty conclusion to THEY’RE COPS!
Van Hagar and Ratso walk into Phantom’s office.
Det. Van Hagar: Captain, what do you want.
Captain Phantom: Hey, you two. First I need you to investigate my private bathroom....
Det. Ratso: Captain, we’re not falling for the.....
Det. Van Hagar (From the Bathroom): Hey, they’re a turd in here.
Captain Phantom: It’s the Captain’s Log. AHAHHAHAHAHA Anyway, we finally found out where LMD and CFF are getting the drugs. They have a Canadian connection. Unsavory is supplying them and we got a snitch.
Det. Van Hagar: All right, let’s go to the snitch.
GuitarWitch: I ain’t saying nothing.
Captain Phantom: You already did.
GuitarWitch: Oh, yeah. Want directions?
Det. Ratso: No we got Mapquest.
Two women are in a living room with a fire place. One of them is named Melissa and the other is named. Joan.
Melissa: Listen Joan, I know we’ve been through a lot in the last few days, but I just want you to know that all this to me proves that our friendship is really strong.
Joan (crying): Oh Melissa, you’re right. I’m sorry about crying.
Melissa (begins crying): Oh it’s alright, I am too. I’m really confused right now. You’re very important to me.
Joan and Melissa hug each other. Their eyes lock, they grow closer together and lock in a kiss. Melissa pulls away
Melissa: Oh my god.
Joan: Melissa, I don’t know what to say.
Melissa: I do. Joan....
Van Hagar & Ratso break down a door.
Det. Van Hagar: POLICE, Put you hands up mother ******s.
CFF: Ah, Van Hagar we meet again.
Det. Van Hagar (angrily): CFF
[Flashback]
Det. Van Hagar: Now, I know what you’re thinking, did he fire six....
CFF: Yeah, yeah, I know, did he fire six bullets or only five. Etcetera, etcetera.
Det. Van Hagar: Should I Say go ahead on?
CFF: No
CFF picks up his rifle, but it doesn’t fire.
Det. Van Hagar: Ha, looks like you’re time is up.
Det. Van Hagar shoots blanks.
Det. Van Hagar: DAMMIT! The one time I wanted to fire five, I fired six.
CFF: So now it’s just you and me?
Det. Van Hagar: Yes.
CFF: Well, should we do something?
Det. Van Hagar: Nah, I’ve run out of ideas, so let’s get out of this flashback and go into and old Hal Needum style fight.
CFF: Okay.
Back in the warehouse with the drugs Van Hagar & Ratso have a fight with CFF & LMD. Finally,
Van Hagar & Ratso win. A van comes to carry them away.
Det. Van Hagar: Well I guess we took care of them.
CFF: There is just something I want to say. I don’t know what turned me against society, maybe it was an abusive mother as a child, maybe it was a.....
Det. Van Hagar shuts the door and CFF continues to talk in a muffled voice.
Det. Van Hagar: I guess that took care of that.
Det. Ratso: Yup. Oh, btw. Howmuchchuckcouldawoodchuckchuckifawoodchuckcouldntchuckwood?
Det. Van Hagar: I’m really running out of ideas aren’t I for the board members?
Det. Ratso: Yup. This segment has been pretty lame.
Det. Van Hagar: Oh on more thing.
Det. Van Hagar opens the van door.
CFF (still talking): There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.
Det. Van Hagar punches CFF.
Det. Van Hagar: Take ‘em away boys!
The van pulls away.
Det. Ratso: So, should one of us say a funny one liner to end it?
Det. Van Hagar: No
[End Credits]
Van Hagar (voice over): Next week on THEY’RE COPS
[Clip 1]
Captain Phantom: Dammit Ratso, I’ll have your badge
Van Hagar: If you want his badge, you’re gonna take mine too.
[Clip 2]
Ratso: Van Hagar, we gotta get Dave Walker and Unsavory, they’re running drugs on the west side
Van Hagar: Well I gotta go do something tonight.
[Clip 3]
NerdGroupie (seductively): So Van Hagar how about you let DaveWalker go, and I’ll give you something in return.
Van Hagar: Huh haha, yes! BOING! (singing) I’m gonna get laid tonight. Uh huh uh huh
NerdGroupie shudders
NerdGroupie (too herself): I can’t do this.
Van Hagar: Too late, I’m naked.
NerdGroupie looks, then screams and keels over.
[Clip 4]
Dave (looking over NerdGroupie’s dead body):VAN HAGAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Clip 5]
Ratso: skyroniter has killed for the last time.
Van Hagar: Wait, are we in Homicide, or Narcotics?
Ratso: How should I know? You wrote this you idiot!
[Clip 6]
Ratso: Uh oh. That light bulb is out.
Van Hagar: Dammit, and I missed that episode of MacGyver when they changed a lightbulb. Listen you get a ladder and bulb, and I’ll get two Polish guys.
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colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
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Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 28, 2005 19:34:07 GMT -5
Phantom (voice over): Det. Van Hagar: Oh on more thing. Det. Van Hagar opens the van door. CFF (still talking): There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself. Det. Van Hagar punches CFF. Det. Van Hagar: Take ‘em away boys! The van pulls away. LOL, that was awesome! Peter Graves, eat your heart out! Haa ha ha. But I am surprised you didn't realize that when I said "lines" I meant cocaine. You know, as a drug runner, it fits my persona. |
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 20:54:58 GMT -5
Phantom (voice over): Det. Van Hagar: Oh on more thing. Det. Van Hagar opens the van door. CFF (still talking): There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself. Det. Van Hagar punches CFF. Det. Van Hagar: Take ‘em away boys! The van pulls away. LOL, that was awesome! Peter Graves, eat your heart out! Haa ha ha. But I am surprised you didn't realize that when I said "lines" I meant cocaine. You know, as a drug runner, it fits my persona. Hey, we got more episodes. Who knows, maybe you'll become my Wo-Fat, I mean I never did say a "Police Van." Maybe Unsavory picked you up. NAH, you get the chair. But don't worry, when me and Ratso become Ghost Busters next seasons I'll write you in. |
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 28, 2005 22:06:26 GMT -5
Alternate Ending.
Van Hagar: We’ve finally got you Unsavory.
CFF: Look over there, it’s me. And at the same I’m here. And look, I’m there and there too. HAHAHAHA
Ratso: Get him, them, all of them.
CFF: HAHAHAHA. You’ll never catch me, I’ll keep on dividing myself until you lose count. HAHAHAHA
DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DULHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DULHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DULHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DULHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUN DUN DUHN DUN DUHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DULHN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN.
And it just keeps going like that for the rest of eternity.
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 29, 2005 3:58:57 GMT -5
Umm, can I be the wise janitor?
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TomServo69
Moderator Emeritus
Gone but not Forgotten
Nothing ever changes........
Posts: 5,467
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Post by TomServo69 on Jul 29, 2005 7:04:42 GMT -5
Man, unless I end up being the true villain, I'm suing your punk ass for misrepresentation of character.
You know I wouldn't take that crap of you VH.
Servo
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Post by doctorz on Jul 29, 2005 9:34:40 GMT -5
How about a Secret Agent Man story? I could be the bag person who is really a soviet informant.
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Post by princesstoadstool on Jul 29, 2005 19:58:06 GMT -5
Can I be a tree? I was always a tree in school plays.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 30, 2005 22:44:51 GMT -5
Rather than provide dASH with a new episode, here is a neat graphic for one of those multi-episode city under siege type episodes.  |
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Post by dash on Jul 30, 2005 22:52:00 GMT -5
AWESOM-O!
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Post by Ratso on Jul 30, 2005 22:55:00 GMT -5
The Invisible woman speaks! |
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Post by dash on Jul 30, 2005 22:59:09 GMT -5
that's me. 1/4 of the fantastic 4. AM I CREEPING YOU OUT YET?  ::: runs behind you and flicks your ear ::: MUWHAHAHAHAHHAA! |
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Post by Ratso on Jul 30, 2005 23:11:42 GMT -5
that's me. 1/4 of the fantastic 4. AM I CREEPING YOU OUT YET? ::: runs behind you and flicks your ear ::: MUWHAHAHAHAHHAA! It's easy really if you're clever...a few chemicals mixed together and flesh and blood and bone just fade away. |
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::: runs behind you and flicks your ear ::: MUWHAHAHAHAHHAA!