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Post by jkazoolien on Apr 13, 2009 5:18:39 GMT -5
"I hate cottage cheese" Frank mumbled to himself "but I eat it because it makes my wife happy." Frank sighed, lit a cigarette, and headed back to the office. He had a *lot* of stuff to think through: 1, Who makes their floors out of Jell-O? 2. And if you did, why would you contaminate it with pineapples and cottage cheese? 3. The A/C was shut off, so how did the Jell-O retain its shape in these hot & humid conditions? 4. Poor Goldie seems to be getting hip dysplacia. May it soon be time for Myrrhy to put her down? 5. Who put the bomp in the bomp-sh-bomp-sh-bomp? 6. Who put the Lime in the Lime-a-Lime-a-Ding-Dong? 7. Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side? 8. Jeans or shorts tomorrow (the weatherman said hot and sunny, but the temp may fall considerably come nightfall)? 9. Is it memory, or is it Memorex? 19. Are Tommy James and the Shondells one of the more underrated bands out there?
These questions and more spun through his head as he put the key in his lock, and as he turned the key, a gunshot went off from *inside* his apartment!...
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Apr 13, 2009 11:11:04 GMT -5
As a load of buckshot flew past his head, he remembered that he'd intended to return through the window, as he'd wired the door with a shotgun to keep out the Dirty Hippies.
His mind returned to the weather.
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Post by jkazoolien on Apr 14, 2009 3:26:41 GMT -5
The clouds out of the east hung low, thunderbolts shooting in all directions. The air soon became rich with the scent of ozone and nitrogen. Frank began to count. "One-e-and-a, Two-e-and-a, Thr.." a crack of thunder interrupted him. If he only knew the formula, he could figure out how far away the bolts had hit. But math was never his strong suit. Myrrhy was the one who was good with numbers.
He reset his trap, and crawled out the window to grab a pint at Haggai's Hideaway.
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Apr 19, 2009 0:45:58 GMT -5
The window slid shut, trapping the seat of his sweatpants as he walked forward.
Just then, the attractive woman from next door walked by.
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Post by solgroupie on Apr 20, 2009 11:34:57 GMT -5
meanwhile, sacky sadly wondered why the story had abandoned him.
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Post by dph on Apr 25, 2009 8:26:58 GMT -5
Deeply depressed, Sacky ate an entire chocolate cake. This caused poor Sacky to go into anafalactic shock. Sacky's land lord showed up because he was late on his rent and called an ambulance. On the way to the hospital one of the paramedics stole his diamond studded solid gold filling.
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Apr 25, 2009 14:30:37 GMT -5
Solgroupie forever rued the day she'd wished Sacky back into the story.
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Post by dph on Apr 28, 2009 20:38:58 GMT -5
Suddenly Sacky came out of his comma and was ready to defend solgroupie from any attackers.
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Apr 29, 2009 14:06:06 GMT -5
But it was too late.
Solgroupie had moved on.
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Post by solgroupie on Apr 29, 2009 14:09:06 GMT -5
she had no way of knowing she would fall into her own comma from her hopeless binge drinking.
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Apr 29, 2009 14:24:09 GMT -5
As she lapsed into the comma, her final waking thought was to hope that she hadn't developed semicolon cancer.
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Post by dph on Apr 29, 2009 21:11:17 GMT -5
Sacky sat by groupie's side for years reading her Judy Bloom books.
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Post by CBG on Apr 29, 2009 21:53:51 GMT -5
But to no avail, the coma persisted long into her old age.
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Post by jkazoolien on Apr 30, 2009 1:09:09 GMT -5
Bored by this, Sacky left her room, closed the door, and went down to the local Applebee's for a Brewtus of Fat Tire and a double order of Fiesta Lime Tequila boneless buffalo wings. As the wings and beer began to digest, Sacky decided the best course of action would be to find a better paying job. Sacky grabbed the classifieds from the end of the bar and started looking.
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Post by dph on May 1, 2009 20:15:38 GMT -5
Sacky found a nice job as a gravedigger that payed really well. He decided to apply because being separate from solgroupie made him so depressed.
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