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Post by TV's Cowboy on May 9, 2004 13:57:24 GMT -5
Space Mutiny Screaming Big McLargeHuge cookie jar
Just like those novelty cookie jars that make noises when you open them. Lift up Rip Steakface's head to get a cookie and hear him shriek in terror just like in the famous Enforcer chase scene in the movie.
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Post by Detective Mitchell on May 9, 2004 14:20:45 GMT -5
Lea Jansen's Patented Age Enhancer: gives you wrinkles and signs of old age so you can look like Capt. Santa's daughter in the film!
And who would not want one of their own Floor wax- er, I mean, "Enforcer Carts"? Those things look like so much fun to ride.
Space Mutiny Phasers: All come with three settings: Stun, Kill, and Miss.
GI Joe Dave Ryder and Kalgon Figure and Floor Wax- er, Enforcer Cart sets: The figures talk and come with RC versions of those cool Enforcer Carts, plus a Special Edition DVD of the film (Hasbro wondered if that was a good thing).
Build Your Own Probing Laser Kit: So you can torture your enemies with a futuristic version of a dental drill.
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Post by Miss Interoceter on May 9, 2004 16:55:40 GMT -5
Home Depot presents their new line of Death Railing. Now you can fling people off your deck at home! No more tedious trips to abandoned warehouses. Thank you Home Depot.
Space Mutiny Bumper Cars Amusement Park Ride.
Lobster Boy BMX bike chest protec- wait, that's what it actually was.
And from Kelly Temp Services, the Lamont line of secretaries. Regular secretary call in sick? Again? Never worry again with a Lamont girl, she'll always be at her job, even if you kill her.
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Post by Rob T Firefly on May 10, 2004 20:36:34 GMT -5
Compaq and SPace Mutiny bring you...
The Space Mutiny Com-pute-er!
Just mount the keyboard to any wall, attach the cardboard monitor with household masking tape, and you're ready to display blocky wireframe graphics and "Battlestar Galactica" clips!
Be sure to get the backup power supply, to protect against LOST POWER! LOST POWER!!!
Lonely? Old? Dressed in inappropriate leaotards?
Attract men today, with the Erotic Dancing Hula Hoop!
Yes, you too can enjoy the thrill of showing weightlifters your butt, while fumbling with an outdated toy!
Includes instruction manual, and a five-second-long music CD which loops to create the insipid club beats of THE FUTURE!!
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Post by Bart Fargo on May 16, 2004 14:13:34 GMT -5
Ah, more winners here!
Best: Detective Mitchell's Space Mutiny phasers. I've got one of these, but for some reason, I can't get the %$*#&@ thing off miss! You win a Space Mutiny golf cart floor cleaner. Worst: Chibodeecrocket's Big McLargehuge cookie jar. Sounds very annoying. You win Leah the skank's boots. Weirdest: Interociter's death railing. You win a bottle of Lt. Lamont's magic resurrection perfume.
What I would have done: Steve Godel's no-loss glasses. You can fall off the death railing and loose your glasses, but they'll magically fly back to your face!
The MiSTed film this week: Red Zone Cuba! Good luck!
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Post by Detective Mitchell on May 17, 2004 6:19:48 GMT -5
Oh boy! Now I can drag race golf carts and wax/buff the floor at the same time!
Anyway, my contributions are: John Carradine Voice-Changer: A microphone and speaker set that gives you the weathered, tobbaco-tarred voice of John Carradine.
John Carradine Sings The Oldies: An LP of John singing "It's My Party", "Harper Valley P.T.A.", "Tears of A Clown", "Mr. Tambourine Man", "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia", "The Twist", "New York, New York", and, of course, "Night Train To Mundo Fine".
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Post by doctorz on May 17, 2004 7:59:52 GMT -5
Hey guys, just at the age when your looking for an exciting career the military? Join with guys like me in the Coleman Francis Brigade! Our training is the best! Smoke endless packs of cigarettes while rolling around in dirty cots and your own body oil. Get in top physical shape by climbing dirt banks! Learn to fly beat up Cessnas! Sing like John Carradine! Get a sharp WWII uniform complete with figerglass helmet liners. You and your 10 or so loser hobo recuit buddies will then be sent to exciting covert operations some depressed banana republic where you will be instantly captured and detained in a termite eaten tobacco shed. And remember if it all gets to be too much you can instantly teleport to some place in the Sonora Desert to try your hand at mining and well stuffing. Join today!
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Post by Miss Interoceter on May 17, 2004 10:29:14 GMT -5
The Cherokee Jack hat! Think Panama Jack was cool before WalMart got the licensing rights? Well they weren't ever as cool as the Cherokee Jack line will be! Be the first kid on your block to wear the Cherokee Jack hat!
Helzberg Diamond's proudly presents, "The Dad Ring." A stunning green with brown veins turquoise stone set in lovely three-tone Black Hills Gold, the Dad Ring is perfect for your dad and will be a wonderful treasure for your family to keep from generation to generation. Starting at $12.95.
Coleman Francis Coffee. In bold Tin Cup Five-day Old Reheated flavor, smokey Cigarette Butts Work Just Fine as Coffee Grounds flavor, and chewy Hey Look! Coffee! flavor. Available only in the finest hobo camps.
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Post by Bart Fargo on May 23, 2004 14:48:47 GMT -5
Well, we have more winners! Best: Interociter's Cherokee Jack hat. Sounds interesting to have. You win the keys to the chickenshack road stop that got put out of business when the interstate came in. Worst: Detective Mitchell's John Carradine voice changer. Why would anyone want to use this? You win the fake Castro's fake beard. Weirdest: Interociter's "the dad ring." Sounds extremely creepy. You win a copy of How to Spell by Cherokee Jack. What I would have done: A model version of the old truck they drove. Impress your friends with a jalopy that appeared in a b-movie! This week's flick to merchandise: Time Chasers!
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Post by Ator on May 23, 2004 19:30:45 GMT -5
Stick-on Nick Chin!
Make your chin look huge like Nick, but take it off when you don't want to embarass yourself in public!
Also available:
Bob Evil's huge clown mirrors! Get a huge clown mirror for YOUR office in the public library!
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Post by Detective Mitchell on May 23, 2004 19:42:00 GMT -5
Official TIME CHASERS "Build Your Own Time Travelling Cessna" Kit: Just that, a kit that allows you to build your own time-travelling plane so you too can go to the food courts of the future! Pilot's license, chin butt, and chinderwear not included.
The Secret of Time Travel Floppy Disk set: a set of several floppy disks that contain the secret to time travel (to adapt it to any other vehicle than a plane).
Nick Miller Dart Game: A dartboard with the face of our chin-butted hero as the bullseye.
And quamp, what did you think of my John Carradine LP for RED ZONE CUBA? Just curious.
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Post by Miss Interoceter on May 23, 2004 21:18:49 GMT -5
Newspaper Reporter wear from KMart. For the sophisticated world of local news reporting. Not on tv? You don't have to match! Stripes and plaids do go together in our world!
Time Chaser brand 10-speeds! Be the first geek on your block to have the "Official" Time Chasers bike, dubbed, 'Nick'!
And finally, Castleton t-shirts. Yeah, I know. I've got nothing this time.
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Post by Rob T Firefly on May 23, 2004 21:27:44 GMT -5
The 1985 non-driver-mobile, the perfect compact car for the nerdy hero who can't drive a car, but somehow can fly an airplane. Guaranteed to drive half a block, and inexplicably flip over.
Slow Countdown - This Commodore 64 program will dramatically count down any approaching dramatic event. However, at least half the seconds will take up to ten real seconds to pass, in order to match bad editing jobs. The optional voice module will announce the time only at really, really dramatic moments.
The Time Chasers' dremel - Use this to alter the date on any standard quarter, and you can effectively and cheaply prove that you're really in THE FUTURE!!!
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Post by Bart Fargo on May 28, 2004 6:09:19 GMT -5
And quamp, what did you think of my John Carradine LP for RED ZONE CUBA? Just curious. Sounds like good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
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Post by Jack Burton on May 29, 2004 16:29:46 GMT -5
Official "Gay Agents of the Future" child size jackets.
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